Leave it to the Germans to make a simple date on a calendar look ominous. Image via Wikipedia
Two guys were traveling on a dark, desolate road late one night on a Friday the 13th. The driver was a superstitious, pessimistic soul, but the passenger was an optimist who didn’t believe in such “self-fulfilling nonsense.”
“2012 sucks,” the superstitious guy said. “There are three Friday the 13ths this year, and they’re 13 weeks apart!”
“Friday the 13th is just another day,” the optimist replied. “Bad things can happen on any day, and bad things are just opportunities for us to overcome obstacles.”
“Shut up,” the superstitious guy said (”Shut up!” is a reflexive response many normal people have to optimists).
Of course, the optimist wouldn’t shut up, and the two kept on arguing.
“13 is an unlucky number,” the superstitious guy maintained. “There were 13 people with Jesus during his Last Supper.”
“Jesus died so that God would forgive us of our sins,” the optimist countered.
“Tupac Shakur died on a Friday the 13th.”
“Tupac’s not dead. He’s hanging out with Elvis and Jim Morrison in Africa.”
Suddenly, the front tire blew out, and the car swerved onto the shoulder. The superstitious guy eased the car to a stop and cursed.
“See?” he said, quaking. “We’re stranded on an isolated highway late at night.”
“At least we didn’t wreck,” the optimist said. “And we have a spare tire in the trunk.”
“I don’t know how to put on a spare.”
“There are two of us. We can figure it out.”
“It’s going to be impossible to figure this out in the dark without any street lights.”
“At least there won’t be any speeding cars to sideswipe us while we’re replacing the tire.”
They argued for a few minutes while dragging out the spare, the jack, and the lug nuts. Both of them sighed as they began determining the function of each item.
All of a sudden, a growling man lunged at them from out of the darkness. The psycho was huge, and scarred, with only one eye (the other was a hollow socket with hair growing out), and a hook for a right hand.
The two guys screamed and ran for their lives down the highway. The psycho chased them and seemed to be catching up. The psycho raised his hook for his first slash when a truck came out of nowhere and flattened him. The truck continued careening down the dark highway, leaving a two dimensional bloody corpse on the pavement and a hook clanking down the road.
“This only could have happened on a Friday the 13th!!” the superstitious guy proclaimed, still in a panic. “Our car blows out, we’re stranded, and then this freak attacks us! How unlucky can we be?”
The optimist stared at the flattened psycho and said, “At least we’re luckier than him.”
Mitt Romney: man or machine? Sometimes he can seem so robot-like that even President Obama wants to see Romney’s birth certificate. Image via Wikipedia
Two friends, a liberal and a conservative, were talking politics (a dangerous thing to do unless you don’t really care about the friendship) when the conservative declared, “I can’t stand President Obama, but I don’t think I can vote for Mitt Romney either.”
“Really?” the liberal replied. “I’m not a fan of his, but he’s probably the most qualified candidate the Republicans have.”
“Excuse me if I don’t trust a Democrat to pick a Republican candidate,” the conservative remarked. “Your guy Obama has enough problems of his own.”
The liberal couldn’t argue with that, so he asked, “What is it about Romney that you don’t like?”
The conservative paused. “It’s… you know, the “M” word thing.”
The liberal laughed. “I can’t believe you won’t vote for Romney just because he’s Mormon.”
“Mormon?” the conservative replied. “If I don’t care that President Obama is Muslim, why would I care that Romney is a Mormon?”
“But… Obama isn’t… uugh!” the liberal said, flabbergasted because he realized the conservative was just messing with him. “But if ‘Mormon’ isn’t the ‘M’ word, and if ‘Muslim’ isn’t the ‘M’ word, then what is the ‘M’ word?”
“Well, I can vote for a politician who is Mormon,” the conservative declared proudly. “And I could even vote for a politician who is Muslim,” the conservative said with a bit more hesitation. “I just can’t vote for a politician who’s from Massachusetts.”
It’s acceptable to watch an NFL game for the cheerleaders, but is it okay to watch a Super Bowl just for… the commercials? Dude! Image via Wikipedia
The Super Bowl to a hardcore football dude is like New Year’s Eve to a drunk: it’s annoying because that’s when the amateurs come out.
So when a hardcore football dude was invited to a Super Bowl party, he was actually dreading it because it would be packed with a bunch of amateurs (women and guys who didn’t really care about the football game) and all they’d do is talk about the commercials. Still, the hardcore football dude knew that he was probably lucky to have friends, so he decided to go.
And the party was worse than he thought it would be.
The amateurs cackled and guffawed at the commercials and talked really loudly about them during the game so that the hardcore football dude couldn’t hear the commentary (If John Gruden’s not calling the game, the commentary doesn’t really matter, but still…). During the halftime show, the hardcore football dude wanted to discuss the game, but everybody else was still ranking the commercials and talking about the has-been performing at the show.
When the third quarter resumed, the hardcore football dude tried to talk about the game some more, but the partiers were still discussing the has-been performer and were still re-ranking the commercials after each new ad. The hardcore football dude had had enough. He couldn’t hear the game, and he was about to complain when the host approached him.
“I’m really sorry about this,” the host said, “but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“What?” the hardcore football dude replied, exasperated even though he felt out of place. “But why?”
“Because people are complaining about you,” the host said. “Whenever you talk about the game, nobody else can hear the commercials.”
You think you’ve had a bad day? Try living in Jerusalem (pick a time period!) or Leningrad during the 1930’s and 40’s.
*****
Jerusalem: A Biography by Simon Sebag Montefiore
The word “biography” in the title threw me off. I don’t know that I’ve ever read a biography written about a city, or a country, or a continent before. I knew this wasn’t about some guy named Jerusalem. No decent parents would name their kid Jerusalem because the kid would never be at peace with himself.
At least the title is short. Nonfiction books have very long titles nowadays, so it’s refreshing to see a nonfiction book with a three word title. Instead of Jerusalem: An Impartial Chronicle of Man’s Inhumanity and Cruelty to Man in the Guise of Religious Fervor, the title is simply Jerusalem: A Biography.
I read this book, but I don’t remember much, and maybe that’s my fault instead of the author’s. I remember the phrase “Roman swag” early in the book because it stood out. It’s like an anachronism with words. When discussing Romans sacking (ha ha… sacking) Jerusalem, the author probably should have used a less colloquial term like “Roman booty” (ha ha… booty) or “newly acquired Roman possessions.” The word “swag” just seems out of place in the historical context of the biography.
WHO KILLED WHOM?
This book is very bloody, in a clinical way. It describes people getting slaughtered, massacred, tortured, crucified, burned alive, put to the sword, shot, blown up, anything that a sadistic mind can take pleasure in. It’s not a pleasant read, but that’s part of the author’s point.
It’s kind of like reading The Iliad, only without the (kind of) redemption at the end. The point of the story can be lost with the constant bombardment (redundancy alert!) of violence. The Iliad has page after page of who killed whom in battle, so much so that readers get bored and move on to The Odyssey (not a good move, in my opinion). Jerusalem: the Biography has so much murder and mayhem that the reader might get bored and turn on the television to a news channel (not a good move either).
*****
Leningrad: The Epic Siege of World War II, 1941-1944 by Anna Reid
I had to read this book in short doses. It’s not a military book, like most books about World War II. This account focuses on civilians in Leningrad and the effects that the siege had on them (usually painful death or near starvation). Instead of the laundry list of faceless carnage (as seen in Jerusalem: A Biography), this book uses diary entries and narratives of people who experienced the horrors of Leningrad. Horrible things happened to pretty much everybody in the book, and you have to be prepared for that. It’s easy to read (from a reading standpoint). I learned a lot about the siege of Leningrad that I didn’t already know, but I was uncomfortable reading a lot of it.
Yeah, this review is short, but it’s almost impossible to write a light-hearted response to Leningrad.
*****
WHICH ONE?
Read Leningrad if you feel like being depressed (or don’t care if you get depressed). Read Jerusalem if you don’t want to feel anything. If I had to choose one, I’d rather feel depressed while reading a book than feel nothing, so I’d choose Leningrad.
Hey, some of my jokes might suck, but they don't suck as much as a mime. And somebody tell that mime that nobody's going to pull his finger! Image via Wikipedia
When I tell a joke, I usually get one of three reactions: a blank stare, a groan/cough, or a “You suck!” comment. That’s the price I pay for writing my own material (most of the time). Every once in a while, however, I get it right.
A “Best Funny Joke Ever” is an anecdote that makes somebody (besides the person telling it) laugh and has a point to it. The jokes below might not be as funny as a farmer’s daughter joke or a dumb blonde joke, but they’ve gotten positive reactions and actually have a little substance to them. If a joke has a point and can still make somebody laugh, then it’s a “Best Funny Joke Ever!”
*****
TWO INNOCENT GUYS
Two innocent guys in prison sat next to each other in the waiting room of the warden’s office. One was an innocent guy serving a life sentence, and the other innocent guy was on death row. Meeting a death row inmate was a rare opportunity for the lifer, so the lifer struck up a conversation.
“I wish I was on death row,” the innocent lifer said. “You’ve got high profile lawyers trying to exonerate you. People stand outside the prison grounds praying for you. Books are written about you. Songs are sung about you. Celebrities want to meet you. Women want to sleep with you. Foundations are named after you. You even get cool glasses to make you look like a normal person to the public.”
“What?” the innocent death row inmate replied, getting fidgety.
“Nobody cares about me,” the innocent lifer continued. “I’m going to waste away in prison for 50 or 60 years until I die, and no famous lawyers are going to look into my case. Nobody’s making a movie about me. No women want to sleep with me, except that guy who wears a wig a few cells from me.”
“How can you make jokes about this?” the death row inmate asked. His face turned red, his forehead beaded with sweat, and his voice almost cracked as he spoke. “If the Supreme Court doesn’t hear my case, I’m going to be executed in a few days, and I’ll be killed for a crime I didn’t commit.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the lifer said, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. “I didn’t realize you were really innocent.”
*****
A UNITED STATES vs. EUROPEAN UNION JOKE
A Greek guy walked into a bar and ordered a drink. Unfortunately, the Greek guy was broke, and the bartender knew it, but the bartender served him anyway because he didn’t want the Greek to throw a fit and start a riot.
Then an American guy, tired after a day of protecting huddled masses yearning to breathe free, making the world safe for democracy, and maybe (according to some) engaging in a few illegal wars, entered the bar and ordered a drink.
Unfortunately, the America guy was broke, and the bartender knew it, but after a quick discussion, he served the American.
When the Greek heard that the American guy was broke, he started laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” the American said. Normally, he’d be ready to fight, except now he was too tired and spread too thin to care that much.
“I think it’s funny that you’re broke,” the Greek said.
“You’re broke too,” the American said, puzzled.
“Yes, we’re both broke,” the Greek responded, “but you work a lot harder than I do.”
*****
HOW CAN YOU BEAT WRITER’S BLOCK?
An overworked author was having writer’s block at the worst possible time. A deadline was approaching from his freelance job, he was working on his 100 blog posts in 100 days challenge, and he was writing a 50,000 word novel in a month all at the same time. The writer stared at his laptop screen, but he just couldn’t start writing.
Frustrated, the writer stood up and kicked his desk. Unfortunately, he wasn’t wearing shoes, and he jammed his big toe.
“Aaaaarrrrgh!” the writer screamed, hopping on his good foot from his den to the kitchen to get an ice pack. He accidentally tripped over his dog, lost his balance, and stumbled against the stove, flipping over a pot of boiling water that scorched his arm.
“Aiyeeeee!” the writer screamed, writhing in agony. His entire arm seared with pain, so he rushed to his car to drive himself to an emergency room. As he put the car into reverse, he saw smoke and flames from his kitchen. He had left the stove on, and somehow the kitchen had caught on fire.
“Nooooooo!” the writer screamed, leaping from his car, diving back into his house, holding his breath through the suffocating smoke, grabbing a fire extinguisher, and putting out the fire. As he almost breathed a sigh of relief (he couldn’t really breathe because of the smoke), he heard a loud crash. He had forgotten to set the emergency brake, and his car had rolled off the driveway and smashed into an old tree that hadn’t been removed yet from his lawn.
“AAAaaaaahhhhhh!” the writer screamed as he fled from his house just as the dying tree fell onto his home and crushed the roof. The fire had weakened the home’s structure, and entire house collapsed under the weight of the fallen tree.
The writer and his wife (who had been outside in the yard the whole time because she couldn’t stand to be around him when he was writing) stared at the rubble of what had been their home.
“At least now you have something to write about,” the wife said.
“I would,” the writer replied, exasperated. “But my laptop’s still in the house.”
A family was gathered in front of the television watching a football game on New Year’s Eve when a wide receiver made a spectacular catch and the announcer kept talking about the football player’s athleticism.
“ ‘Athleticism’s’ not a word!” the father yelled at the television. “It’s ‘athletic ability,’ you dumb jock!”
“That’s it!” the mother declared. “I can’t stand it when you yell at the television like that. They can’t hear you! Do you understand that? They… can’t… hear… you!!!!”
The father was stunned into silence.
“It’s New Year’s Eve,” the mother said. “I want your New Year’s Resolution to be to quit yelling at the television.”
The father thought for a moment. “Does that mean I don’t have to try to lose weight this year?”
“Yes!” the wife proclaimed. “Just stop talking back to the television.”
“Okay,” the father agreed. “My New Year’s resolution this year is to stop talking to, yelling at, or making comments to the television.”
The next morning was New Year’s Day, and the father was watching a parade. He hated parades, but the kids loved them, so he got up and found his wife in the kitchen.
“Those stupid New Year’s Day parades are on,” he said to his wife. “I hate those stupid New Year’s Day parades.”
That afternoon as he was watching football games, his favorite team blew a fourth quarter lead. Instead of yelling at the television, he found his wife reading in another room.
“Those losers found another way to blow a game,” he yelled at his wife. “I swear I’m going to stop supporting them.”
That evening as he was watching the news, he got angry when deficit and debt projections continued to skyrocket.
Instead of screaming at the television, he discovered his wife in the basement organizing boxes.
“Why are they surprised this country’s in debt?” he ranted toward his wife. “I’ve been telling these crooks for decades that they can’t spend money we don’t have without bankrupting us. But do they ever listen to me? Noooooo!”
When the father went back upstairs to fume at the television, their son noticed his mother’ facial expression of despair.
“What’s wrong?” the son asked, concerned.
“I can’t stand him bugging me like this all the time,” the mother complained. “And I have to wait 364 more days before I can ask him to stop.”
Yes, Borders, there may be a way for brick and mortar stores to survive... and maybe even to thrive! Image via Wikipedia
A book buyer stepped into Brick & Mortar Booksellers with her smart phone in hand and approached a BM Bookseller associate.
“Where can I find The Walking Dead books that the television show is based on?” the buyer asked.
The BM associate walked the buyer to the graphic novel section of the store where the buyer promptly price checked the books on her Amazon app and added the first ten volumes to her Amazon cart.
“I saved 15% by purchasing these books on Amazon,” the buyer said giddily. “Where can I find The Hunger Games trilogy?”
The BM associate escorted the buyer to the young adult section, where the buyer again price checked the books on her app and purchased the books from Amazon on her phone. By the time she was done, the BM associate had walked the buyer through four different sections and the buyer had purchased twenty books on Amazon.
“Would you care to buy anything here?” the BM associate asked drolly. “Perhaps a muffin from the café?”
“No,” the buyer proudly replied. “I saved 20% by purchasing all these books on Amazon, and even with free shipping, I’ll receive my books tomorrow.”
The buyer left BM Booksellers without even thanking the associate, but when the buyer stepped out to the parking lot, she discovered that her car was gone.
Frantic, she rushed back into BM Booksellers and screamed, “My car has been stolen!!”
“No, ma’am,” the associate said calmly. “Your car has not been stolen. It has been towed.”
“But why did you tow my car?” the book buyer asked, perturbed.
“Because the sign in the parking lot clearly states that the spots are for BM Bookseller customers only.”
“But… but… but… that’s not fair,” the buyer stammered.
“Maybe not,” the associate said. “But if you download the BM Booksellers app to your smart phone, you’ll save 20% on your tow.”
*****
If I owned a traditional bookstore, I probably wouldn’t try this unless I had a really good lawyer.
As most book buyers already understand, Amazon has a few advantages over the more traditional brick & mortar book stores. Amazon customers don’t have to pay sales taxes. Amazon pays for much less leasing space, and they probably don’t have to pay as many employees. Since all these advantages have to do with money, Amazon can give better deals than traditional book stores and still make money (and I haven’t even included the money they make off the Kindle). How can traditional book stores beat Amazon with so much working against them?
First of all, by “beat Amazon” I really mean “compete with Amazon without going out of business.” I’m not sure BM booksellers can beat Amazon unless they can get lawmakers to collect sales taxes on internet sales, and I bet internet stores like Amazon and ebay have awesome lobbyists, so good luck with that.
FULL DISCLOSURE!
I have never owned a business. I work a full time job where I am bossed around a lot, so I probably have no idea what I am talking about from a business point of view. All of my advice comes from my own buying habits. I buy a lot of books and figure my habits probably aren’t unusual.
MORE FULL DISCLOSURE!
I have a Kindle and like it. I purchase books from Amazon, but I also buy books at traditional bookstores, so I’m not writing this column in an attempt to take down, “occupy,” or destroy Amazon.
Here are a few things that traditional book stores can do (if they’re not already doing them).
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF NICHE CATEGORIES
Amazon can sell books, but they can’t provide atmosphere and they can’t physically surround the buyers with the stuff they love. Some niche readers (children’s book and YA literature readers, comic collectors, sports fanatics, mystery lovers, sci-fi fanboys, historians, science geeks, music freaks) love to be surrounded with books, posters, and other paraphernalia about their hobbies and love to talk to sales people who (pretend to) share their passions.
A traditional book store can’t cover each niche equally, but a perceptive store owner can figure out what the book buyers in that community like and provide it in a way Amazon can’t.
SELL LOTS OF CHEAP PAPERBACKS AND USED BOOKS
I’m the opposite of many Amazon buyers. Instead of using the traditional book store to decide what books to buy on Amazon, I sometimes use Amazon to decide what books to buy at the traditional book store. I’ll browse through Amazon until I stumble upon an author I’ve never heard of and then read reviews of several book titles. Then I’ll head to the book store (sometimes a used book store) and buy a bunch of paperbacks for a few bucks each.
Yes, Amazon offers used stuff, but a lot of it is through independent sellers, and you have to deal with shipping prices, inconsistent packaging, and inaccurate descriptions of items. When it comes to cheap paperbacks and used books, a traditional book store should have an advantage over Amazon.
HIRE REALLY HOT CHICKS WITH CLEAVAGE
If she worked at BM Booksellers, a lot of guys would never shop at Amazon again! Image via Wikipedia
If a store owner needs to bring in more customers instantly, nothing increases business traffic more than hot women with cleavage. Everybody likes hot women with cleavage (except maybe other hot women with cleavage). I guess what I’m trying to say to book store owners is… hire some really hot women with cleavage.
Guys that don’t even read much will go to a book store if there are enough hot women with cleavage working there. It could be like Hooters, only with books. Instead of serving buffalo wings, the hot chick associates could do dramatic readings of books. Have a hot chick with cleavage dramatically interpret fine literature like Fear of Flying, and the store will be packed (or maybe shut down by authorities).
Amazon is tough to beat when it comes to books that a lot of people are looking for. But a hot woman with cleavage can convince guys to purchase books they otherwise wouldn’t buy, and Amazon would have a tough time doing that. Amazon might have hot women with cleavage working there, but their skills are wasted because guys can’t see them.
I’m not saying that my suggestions will save a book store that’s about to go under, but these strategies would allow a traditional book store to take advantage of Amazon’s weaknesses, and I’m sure that there are a bunch of other things I didn’t think of. Remember, it took Amazon years to make a profit, so their business model isn’t perfect. There are weaknesses that can be exploited, and it’s up to the traditional brick and mortar book stores to find (and exploit) those weaknesses.
Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman by Robert K. Massie
IT’S OKAY TO ADMIT A BOOK IS BORING.
C’mon, professional reviewers, admit it! You thought the first 100 pages of Catherine the Great were boring. You probably won’t because to admit that you were bored would make you look shallow, but it’s better to be shallow than a liar (it’s really bad to be both), so be honest about it.
It’s not the author’s fault. Catherine the Great’s life for a long time was boring. Even Catherine the Great was bored with her life for a long time. When you’re writing about somebody who had a boring phase in life, it’s difficult to make that boring time period interesting. However, once the boring part of Catherine the Great’s life is over, the biography gets much more interesting.
ROBERT AND CATHERINE SITTING IN A TREE!
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
I kind of get the feeling that the author Robert K. Massie likes Catherine the Great a little too much. He dismisses bad intentions for some of the more controversial decisions or events of her reign. When Peter and Ivan were murdered, Massie theorizes that Catherine hadn’t planned for them (the murders) to happen. Um, okay. When Catherine forces a former lover to become a political pawn against his will, Massie has no analysis of Catherine’s personality to explain this. When Catherine intentionally starts a (what would now be called an illegal) war with Turkey, it is all told as matter of fact. The only real insight into Catherine’s motivations was when Catherine chose to do nothing (or little) to help the serfs in Russia.
The tragedy (too strong a word) is that Catherine the Great would have no interest in Robert K. Massie. She might recognize him as a notable biographer and send him some complimentary letters that discuss philosophy, but she would never take him for a lover. She preferred strong men, nice looking (by 18th century Russian standards), and accomplished. Massie’s admiration for Catherine would have to have been from a distance. Since Massie has no chance with Catherine (even if we forget that she died a couple hundred years ago), he should have felt more comfortable to analyze (and maybe criticize) her actions more freely.
Maybe the author offers his criticism or analysis at the end of the book, and I just haven’t gotten there yet.
Uh oh. I think I just admitted I haven’t finished reading this book yet.
REVIEWING BOOKS I HAVEN’T FINISHED
I intend on finishing Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman. It’s about 650 pages long, and I rarely read books over 500 pages anymore, so the fact that I want to finish it is an endorsement (kind of). I’ve got other things to read, so I’m taking a break.
This is nothing new. I have reviewed books that I’ve barely begun, such as Stephen King’s 11-22-63. I once even reviewed a book before it was published (Ann Coulter’s Demonic, which I have since read and actually finished, so I probably should update the review, but nobody reads that review anymore, so I probably won’t update it).
THE REAL REASON TO READ CATHERINE THE GREAT
The names are easy to follow. The main characters have names like Sophia (later Catherine), Elizabeth, Peter (more than one), Ivan, and Gregory (more than one). Yeah, when you throw in their long Russian last names, it can get a bit complicated, but I’ve managed to keep track, and I’m a guy who won’t read War and Peace because of the long Russian names, so this stuff is important.
The Godfather by Mario Puzo
WHY READ THE GODFATHER?
Most people who would be interested in reading The Godfather have already seen the movie(s), probably several times. Why would you waste several days reading a long novel when you’ve already spent several hours watching the movie version? That’s easy. The novel is very well-written, fast paced (with a couple exceptions), and gives the reader waaaaayyyy more information about a lot of characters that were barely seen in the movies. Even main characters like Sonny, Tom Hagen, and Kay Adams are developed more in the book.
Also, the book was written/published before the movies, so it’s fun to see how the filmmakers interpreted the novel rather than getting mad at some hack novelist for taking a screenplay and filling in the details. If you’re a fanatic of The Godfather who watches the movies every time some cable channel shows them (usually butchering them with bad editing and far too many commercials), this book is the best fix, much better than giving in and watching The Godfather 3.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE GODFATHER (the movies)?
The Godfather gave us a (kind of) subtle performance from Al Pacino as a gangster, which in turn led to an overacting Al Pacino as another gangster in Scarface, which in turn led to lots and lots of movies where Al Pacino overacted. Even worse than Al Pacino’s overacting is the praise he gets for his overacting. If not for The Godfather, the cycle of Al Pacino’s cheesy, outlandish overacting may have never begun, and the world may have been a better place.
WHY COMPARE THESE TWO BOOKS?
Both title characters start off as (possibly) well-intentioned before they assume their positions of power. Michael Corleone of The Godfather seems to want no part of the family “business” at first but then must commit acts of evil (and rationalize them) as he takes control of the family. Catherine the Great at first claimed to embrace the idea of an “enlightened monarch” and then made a bunch of decisions that the “enlightened” should have found appalling. Both Michael Corleone and Catherine the Great found ways to justify these decisions, and the authors found ways to get some readers to sympathize with them.
WHICH ONE? CATHERINE THE GREAT or THE GODFATHER?
If you want to learn about Russian history (and don’t know much already), read Catherine the Great. If you want to be entertained by some light, low-brow fiction, then read The Godfather. If you really can’t decide for yourself (both Catherine the Great and Michael Corleone would despise you for your indecisiveness), then read The Godfather. You can never go wrong with reading The Godfather.
Yeah, you might laugh at this now, phone tool, but just you wait. Your precious technology will be obsolete by the time you're done reading this iphone joke. Bwa ha ha ha! Image via Wikipedia
A mugger sneaked onto a college campus, seeking phone snobs to prey upon. When he robbed his first student, the mugger pointed his gun at her and demanded her phone. The student gave up her Droid, but it wasn’t good enough for the mugger.
I’m not sure what Alec Baldwin is saying here, but if somebody else (like Tina Fey) didn’t write it for him, then… look out!! Image via Wikipedia
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
Dysfunctional Literacy 