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“They Can’t Hear You!”- A New Year’s Resolution Joke

December 30, 2011

A family was gathered in front of the television watching a football game on New Year’s Eve when a wide receiver made a spectacular catch and the announcer kept talking about the football player’s athleticism. 

“ ‘Athleticism’s’ not a word!” the father yelled at the television.  “It’s ‘athletic ability,’ you dumb jock!” 

“That’s it!” the mother declared.  “I can’t stand it when you yell at the television like that.  They can’t hear you!  Do you understand that?  They… can’t… hear… you!!!!” 

The father was stunned into silence. 

“It’s New Year’s Eve,” the mother said.  “I want your New Year’s Resolution to be to quit yelling at the television.” 

The father thought for a moment.  “Does that mean I don’t have to try to lose weight this year?” 

“Yes!” the wife proclaimed.  “Just stop talking back to the television.” 

“Okay,” the father agreed.  “My New Year’s resolution this year is to stop talking to, yelling at, or making comments to the television.” 

The next morning was New Year’s Day, and the father was watching a parade.  He hated parades, but the kids loved them, so he got up and found his wife in the kitchen. 

“Those stupid New Year’s Day parades are on,” he said to his wife.  “I hate those stupid New Year’s Day parades.” 

That afternoon as he was watching football games, his favorite team blew a fourth quarter lead.  Instead of yelling at the television, he found his wife reading in another room. 

“Those losers found another way to blow a game,” he yelled at his wife.  “I swear I’m going to stop supporting them.” 

That evening as he was watching the news, he got angry when deficit and debt projections continued to skyrocket. 

Instead of screaming at the television, he discovered his wife in the basement organizing boxes. 

“Why are they surprised this country’s in debt?” he ranted toward his wife.  “I’ve been telling these crooks for decades that they can’t spend money we don’t have without bankrupting us.  But do they ever listen to me?  Noooooo!” 

When the father went back upstairs to fume at the television, their son noticed his mother’ facial expression of despair. 

“What’s wrong?” the son asked, concerned. 

“I can’t stand him bugging me like this all the time,” the mother complained.  “And I have to wait 364 more days before I can ask him to stop.”

From → Jokes/Generic

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