I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Bossypants by Tina Fey
AREN’T THESE WOMEN’S BOOKS?
Maybe dysfunctional literates tend to be males, but nobody knows for sure. The studies haven’t been done yet (but we’re going to work on it once we get the funding). However, some women do tell Moby Dick jokes; they just don’t normally do it around men. Since women read a lot, it makes sense that a statistically significant number of them would be dysfunctional literates, so it also makes sense to review some books that might appeal to women a bit more than men.
Plus we didn’t want to get accused of gender bias.
YOU MEAN… THAT MAYA ANGELOU?
Maya Angelou has two strikes against her from a dysfunctional literate’s point of view. Oprah likes her. Strike one. Angelou is a poet. Strike two. When Dysfunctional Literacy assigned me to write a review of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, I felt my stomach tighten, and I thought that it would be the longest short book I’ve ever read. I expected an overwrought tearjerker that would make me grimace with anti-male guilt. Yeah, lots of bad stuff happens in the book, but Maya Angelou, at least in this particular book, is a storyteller first, and a poet second. In other words, I always knew what was going on, and I didn’t have to think too hard to understand what was going, and I didn’t think the author was going out of her way to try to make me cry.
Okay, I liked it. I admit it. Gloat, Oprah, gloat (if you care what a dysfunctional literate thinks).
DOES MAYA ANGELOU OVERUSE METAPHORS?
One of the complaints that some critics have of Maya Angelou’s prose is that she overdoes it with the metaphors. First of all, writers today don’t use enough metaphors, so that’s one reason that Angelou’s writing is worth reading today. Even the title of this book is a metaphor. Besides, she’s a poet. Poets are supposed to use metaphors, especially if their poems don’t rhyme (and yes, I know that some of Angelou’s poems rhyme, but prose doesn’t, so she has to use other devices, and a metaphor is the best one for prose). When a poet writes prose, this is what you get.
WHY IS I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS A CLASSIC?
Is I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings going to be read a hundred years from now, or not? I would wager so. Usually a memoir is either well-written but pointless, or poorly written but with an interesting story (and sometimes it’s both poorly written and pointless). This is one of the few memoirs that is well-written, interesting, and has a point.
After reading I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, I really know why the caged bird sings and I know why I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is a classic.
THE PROBLEM WITH BOSSYPANTS
First of all, I think Tina Fey can be pretty funny. I’m one of the (probably) few people who likes both Tina Fey and Sarah Palin. I like them, but I don’t like like them (which means I like them but don’t feel the desire to defend them). Tina Fey fans have probably already read her book and don’t need advice from a dysfunctional literate. So my advice is from a perspective of Tina Fey semi-ambivalence.
This could have been a really good book, but Tina Fey avoids getting too personal, which I understand because her niche is humor. We don’t expect Angelou-ish metaphors that will leave grown men pondering their place in the universe, but even so, the humor is more clever than funny. Some of the laughter evoked from this book might be like the delayed nervous tittering we hear from Saturday Night Live audiences reacting to a silly sketch (probably not written by Tina Fey) that they know should be funny but isn’t really.
I had a tough time figuring out why I felt disconnected from Bossypants. I don’t think it’s because I’m a guy (because I didn’t feel that way with I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings). It’s not because I don’t care for Saturday Night Live. Finally, I figured it out. Tina Fey seems funnier and more insightful when she isn’t writing about herself. For most people, they are their own favorite topics. It seems like with Tina Fey, she is her least favorite topic (Yeah, that might be an exaggeration), which makes for maybe not the best memoir ever.
I’d like to see Tina Fey write a fake but real history textbook. That would probably be pretty (intentionally) funny.
WHICH ONE? I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS or BOSSYPANTS?
This isn’t a fair comparison, but sometimes we dysfunctional literates have to make the tough decisions that others are afraid to make.
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is a better serious book than Bossypants is a humorous book.
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
When you have a haircut like this, you’d better be able to sing. Image via Wikipedia
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
Haha! I tried to draw.
*****
Click on picture once for better image.
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
WHY AREN’T THERE ANY PREY MOVIES?
You would think that with almost 20 Prey books, many of which were best-sellers, somebody would make a movie. What’s the problem? My guess is that one of the issues is the dialogue. All the characters talk the same way. Tough cops talk like tough cops. Guys who aren’t cops talk like tough cops. Women who aren’t cops talk like tough cops. The books are suspenseful, well plotted, but the dialogue is sometimes horrible, like every character is a bad horny comedian. It’s not just a Prey problem; Rough Country was full of the same manly man dialogue. Yes, I know screenwriters change everything, but the bad dialogue in the books keeps them from standing out. When I finish a Prey book, I’ve been entertained, but I’ve never been floored, and I certainly have never said to myself, “Wow! That would make a great movie.”
Maybe some car chases and explosions would help.
DO TELEVISION MOVIES COUNT?
No.
Supposedly a cable network is making a Prey movie (I forget which one) with Mark Harmon as Lucas Davenport. I don’t picture Lucas Davenport as a Mark Harmon type, but who cares? They could have done much worse. It will all depend on the script.
WHY SHOULD I READ THIS ONE?
We’ve had a lot of Lucas Davenport books, and this time he realizes that he screwed up a case a long time ago, before John Sandford started writing books about him. It’s a good premise, but it’s not a case readers are familiar with. To me, it would have been more interesting if he had screwed up in an earlier novel, maybe one of the first ones (which I’ve read but don’t remember). There would be more emotional investment in it, especially if we had been rooting for the antagonist to get caught. Spoilers wouldn’t be too much of an issue because if Buried Prey were a reader’s first Lucas Davenport book, is that particular reader seriously going to go back to all 19(?) earlier installments? Not if he’s a dysfunctional literate, he won’t.
20 BOOKS? DOESN’T THAT BREAK RULE #3?
Rule #3 states that a dysfunctional literate shall not read more than three books in a series. The purpose of that rule is to avoid getting emotionally wrapped up in a story that goes nowhere (see A Song of Fire and Ice). These Lucas Davenport books are self-contained. You can pick up any one of them and not feel lost. Personally, I think three Prey books are enough, but to other readers , it’s kind of like a James Bond movie in that you know what you’re going to get and you’re probably going to like it (unless it’s Live and Let Die or A View to a Kill).
WHICH BOOKS AREN’T REAL, PREY TELL?
Which four books below are not John Sandford titles? Two should be obvious.
Rules of Prey
Hidden Prey
Eyes of Prey
Shadow Prey
Silent Prey
Winter Prey
Lettuce Prey
Night Prey
Mind Prey
Sudden Prey
Secret Prey
Certain Prey
Suppressed Prey
Easy Prey
Chosen Prey
Birds of Prey
Mortal Prey
Naked Prey
Shattered Prey
Broken Prey
Invisible Prey
Phantom Prey
Buried Prey
WILL MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY RUIN THE FIFTH WITNESS?
The Fifth Witness takes place after The Lincoln Lawyer (which I’ve neither read nor seen), so the question is: Can you read this book if you can’t stand Matthew McConaughey? I’m not here to debate the talent of Matthew McConaughey. That is for others who know and care more about movies than I do. However, I’m not a Matthew McConaughey fan, and I’m not the only one who doesn’t care for him. Luckily, the description of the main character early in The Fifth Witness helps me to visualize somebody who does not resemble Matthew McConaughey, and that helped me get through the entire novel. An added bonus is that I can understand what’s going on in The Fifth Witness without having read any of Michael Connelly’s other books. That’s pretty much all that a dysfunctional literate who doesn’t like Matthew McConaughey needs to know.
If you’re a dysfunctional literate who likes Matthew McConaughey, then you’ve got several books to read and a movie to watch (if you haven’t already done so).
BURIED PREY or THE FIFTH WITNESS?
The Fifth Witness. The main character is more interesting, the dialogue is better, and the plot is more unique.
By saying “Ann Coulter’s Demonic,” we mean Ann Coulter’s new book called Demonic, not that Ann Coulter is demonic. Some critics might claim that Ann Coulter is demonic, but that’s not what our title means.
It happens every couple of years. Ann Coulter writes a new book, annoys a bunch of people while promoting it, and her critics pan her book without reading it. Coulter will say some mean things about liberals, and then liberals will say even worse things about her and unintentionally prove her point. She’s been accused of plagiarizing (Who would she plagiarize from? Nobody else writes like her.), and critics have tried to shove pies into her face. As soon as her new book comes out, a bunch of anti-fans will leave one-star reviews of her book without having read it.
To us at Dysfunctional Literacy, it seems pretty simple. If you’re a conservative, you’ll probably like Ann Coulter’s book. If you’re a liberal, you’ll probably hate it. If you’re a moderate, you’re probably more interested in Snookie’s book.
Snookie wrote a book?
THE BENEFITS OF SNOOKIE
The problem with Snookie’s novel (which shall go unnamed here) is that it was supposedly ghostwritten. What’s the point of that? If I want Snookie, I want straightforward stupidity, not mediocrity from an unknown professional. I might have paid money to read a book that Snookie had actually written (preferably without the assistance of an editor). It would have been entertaining to count the mistakes sentence by sentence (misspelling, subject-verb agreement problem, used “I” when she should have used “me,” used “me” when she should have used “I,” made up a word, wrote “of” when she should have written “have,” used a word incorrectly, sentence fragment, sentence fragment, sentence fragment). It would have been like Ulysses without the artistry. If this book had both grammatical mistakes and true stories of drunken lewdness, then it could have been THE BEST MEMOIR EVER!
The publishers screwed up a great opportunity.
BEST BOOK SIGNING TEAM-UP EVER!!
Ann Coulter and Snookie! That would be a great book signing combination.
For the right price, Ann Coulter would let you put a pie in her face, and Snookie would let you put your face in her… ugh, I can’t even finish the thought.
*****
Aaarrgh! I know this is a lame blog post. As tempting as it is to delete it (and it’s tempting), I’m leaving it up to show my development as a blogger/writer. Keep in mind that some of the people mentioned were public figure in 2011, and there was some crazy stuff going on with them. Back then I saw this blog as practice because I knew nobody was reading it and I could experiment a little. Now I can see that some experiments go horribly wrong.
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
I deleted this blog post because it was kind of stupid, and it doesn’t fit this blog’s purpose. At the time, I was experimenting with search engine algorithms (that’s a whole different topic), and I learned what I needed to learn (and I can write about that another time), but I ended up with dozens of stupid blog posts that aren’t appropriate for my blog’s purpose anymore. I’ve kept other stupid blog posts that actually are appropriate content for Dysfunctional Literacy.
