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Best Protester Jokes Ever!

February 27, 2012
English: occupy wall street

One person might look at this crowd and say, “Freedom of expression is what makes the USA great!” Another person might look at the same crowd and say, “Aw man, something really bad is gonna happen there.” Image via Wikipedia

Protesters can be pretty annoying.  They’re loud, their slogans are stupid, and they slow down traffic.  Social injustice is bad, but I need to get to work.  A BEST PROTESTER JOKE EVER!! is an anecdote that can make fun of the protester without impugning the cause.  Whether it’s an Occupier defecating in public, or a Tea Partier screaming down a befuddled bureaucrat, protesters may have the right to voice their concerns loudly, but the non-protesting commoner also has the right to mock them for their crass behavior.  The following stories might not be the funniest protester jokes ever, but since they can be appreciated by those of all political persuasions, these are some of the BEST PROTESTER JOKES EVER!!


A mastermind protest organizer was annoyed that protesters were getting a bad reputation.  A recent string of nationwide rallies had led to a series of crimes, property destruction, and (justified) arrests.  So much lawlessness had gone on that the whole point of the protests had been lost.

To put a new face on protesting, the mastermind hired three gorgeous models and instructed them to protest against social injustice (a specific kind of his choice).  The general public likes attractive women, and sex sells, the mastermind thought, so he figured these three women could help the image of the common protester.

At first, things seemed to go well enough.  The models dressed in skimpy enough outfits to get attention.  News organizations sent camera crews.  The hot models talked about social injustice, and crowds gathered to support them.

But once the crowds got too large, the police showed up to disperse them, and the hot models went crazy.  One hot model got into a fight with police.  Another hot model started crying and began cutting tiny lines into her arms with a sharp object.  Another hot model took off all her clothes and made obscene gestures to the cameras.  Consequently, all three hot models got arrested.

The mastermind was furious.  The models had made a mockery of his protest, even worse than the homeless and the criminals had previously done.  He stormed to the police station to bail them out because they were gorgeous yell at them.

“What were you thinking?” he screamed.  “You were supposed to display a positive image to the public!”

“We talked about social injustice, but nothing changed,” one gorgeous model explained.

“So?” the mastermind exclaimed.  “That’s no reason to go crazy, start fights, and mutilate yourselves.”

Another model said, “But that’s how we act when we don’t get our way.”



A young college graduate returned home for a holiday family reunion.  He hadn’t been able to find a job since graduating, and he’d spent time protesting at several Occupy rallies.  Being unemployed, he had lots of time to occupy.

“I demand that the government forgive all student loans,” the college graduate protester announced at the dinner table, eliciting several groans from family members who were hoping for a peaceful holiday feast.

“Oh yeah?” the graduate’s dad responded angrily, eliciting even more groans (now that a peaceful dinner was out of the question).

“When I was your age,” the protester’s dad continued.  “I worked three jobs while I was in college so that I wouldn’t need to take out a stinking loan.  I paid for my cars in cash so that I wouldn’t have to take out a loan.  I’ve paid for our house, without ever asking for my loan to be forgiven.  I even paid for half your college expenses while you partied and chose a major that makes you unemployable.  Now, give me one good reason why you think the government should forgive all your student loans.”

The protester smiled at his aggravated dad.  “Because if the government doesn’t forgive all my loans, I’ll have to move back in with you.”



The Occupy Wall Street rallies had lots of weird stuff going on, but one of the craziest events involved a protester having a bowel movement on a police car.  The police officers didn’t appreciate this form of political speech, so they engaged in their own version of free expression with a combination of tasers, pepper spray, and a good old fashioned beating.

Once everybody had worked through their issues, the police officer asked the defecating demonstrator, “Why are you causing all this trouble, and why did you take a dump on my car?”

“Jobs!  Jobs!  Jobs!” the pooping protestor chanted.  “Wall Street greed has made jobs hard to find.”

“Then start your own business,” the police officer suggested.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” the demonstrator said.  “I just opened a car wash down the street, and I’m trying to get more customers.”

From → Best Jokes Ever!

  1. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
    I don’t know and I don’t care.

    • I actually put that slogan on a protest sign once, but it was too long to get a good chant out of it. After the word “apathy,” protesters began forgetting what to say, and started mumbling the words while looking back at the sign.

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