Don’t Park Near an Irish Pub: A St. Patrick’s Day Joke

From this angle of this seemingly serene Irish pub, you can't see the trail of sideswiped cars in the surrounding neighborhoods. Image via Wikipedia

A homeowner lived in a house less than a block away from an Irish pub, and on most days of the year, that was okay.  But the homeowner quickly learned not to park his car on the street on St. Patrick’s Day. 

On his first St. Patrick’s Day at the house, the homeowner’s car was sideswiped by a patron of the Irish pub.  The patron seemed unphased by the accident and was actually pleased that he had sideswiped the left side of the homeowner’s car rather than the right. 

Annoyed, the homeowner decided that on the next St. Patrick’s Day he would park in his driveway, even though he liked the convenience of parking on the street.  But on the next St. Patrick’s Day, a patron of the Irish pub smashed into the homeowner’s parked car from the side in the driveway, demolishing both cars. 

“Bullseye,” the patron of the Irish pub mumbled, as he stumbled out of the car. 

The next year, the homeowner parked his car in his garage on St. Patrick’s Day, but that didn’t help because a patron of the Irish pub crashed into the garage and totaled both cars as well as the garage. 

“I was trying to miss that parked car,” the patron of the Irish pub said, pointing to an empty street in front of him. 

At this point, the homeowner was starting to think all these accidents might just be his own fault.  So on the next St. Patrick’s Day, the homeowner drove his car about three or four blocks from his house, parked in an out-of-the-way alley, and walked home. 

The next morning came peacefully enough.  There had been no damage to his property or anybody else’s property in the neighborhood, and the homeowner whistled contentedly as he strolled to pick up his car.  But when he turned into the alley, he saw his car totaled, mashed up by another car behind it, and a red-headed guy in a green shirt lay hungover on the side of the street. 

“What happened?” the homeowner asked, extremely agitated.  “You Irish pub drunks are always getting into accidents because of St. Patrick’s Day.” 

“Hey, I got home just fine,” the Irish pub patron said, getting defensive.  “But somebody else put his car in my parking spot.”