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God Gets Addicted to Facebook and Twitter

July 30, 2011

It was the new millennium, and as God looked over humanity, He was again saddened and disappointed by what He saw.  Humans had developed almost miraculous technology and yet were misusing it for their base desires.  Men used technology for porn.  Women used the technology for gossip.  Criminals used the technology to help themselves steal and murder.  Very little productive was being done with these wonderful tools that God had allowed/helped humans to discover. 

And so God decided to step in. 

First, God created an account on Facebook and friended everybody.  When He was rejected by most Facebook users, God was stunned. 

“Who would dare not to friend God?” God asked with indignation, tempted to set the world on fire. 

But instead, God upgraded His Facebook page. 

He put up photos of Adam and Eve with the apple, Moses parting the Red Sea, and Jesus walking on water.  These pictures created a huge stir on the internet, as image experts closely examined the pictures for signs of image editing or anachronisms (God had made Moses take off his watch), but the photos were authentic, and people throughout the world began to believe that this particular Facebook page truly belonged to God. 

And soon God had more friends than anybody else on Facebook, and God was happy. 

Next, God went on Twitter.  It was sometimes difficult to keep His good word to 140 characters, but He was God and the Twitter technology showed remarkable flexibility when God wrote too much.  God used Twitter to shame individuals of their sins.  He publically warned men (and women) not to cheat, not to watch porn (at least not at work), not to discuss politics where food was being served, and of course not to steal, murder, and the usual stuff. 

Humans did not stop committing acts of sin, but the number of acts of sin decreased greatly. 

Atheists, however, refused to believe that this was the work of God.  It had to be a hacker with enough resources to check individual internet usage and deduce who was sinning and how.  No amount of evidence was enough to prove to them that God existed and had gotten addicted to Facebook and Twitter. 

“Prove that you’re God,” the skeptics demanded to God.  “Perform a miracle for us.” 

“Is nothing enough for you?” God scoffed.  “I have just used Facebook and Twitter in a positive way to do good in the world. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is.”

From → Jokes/Generic

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