Spotting the Sucker and the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

I don’t like admitting that I’m the sucker, the kind of guy that the wolf thinks is a sheep. This admission doesn’t come out of nowhere. I was in a grocery line this week when a seemingly desperate guy with a couple items asked if he could cut in line. I’m the kind of guy who gets asked that kind of question a lot, but sometimes I say no.

It usually comes down to if I’m the only one in line or not. If it’s just me, I’ll usually agree because I don’t care about those kinds of things anymore, but I already knew there were a couple customers behind me, so I immediately shook my head no. The guy nodded and moved onto the next few lines where I think he kept getting rejected.

“Playing us for suckers,” a grizzly old guy said behind me.

“That’s what self-checkout is for,” I muttered back.

Maybe I should never let anyone cut in line, even if I’m the only one in it. Maybe I really am a sucker. I’ve known for decades that I’m gullible, but a sucker?  To me, that term seemed harsh for a long time.  Then one night a few years years ago , I was watching a show or a movie (I forget what it was) at home with my family, and someone on screen said, “If you can’t spot the sucker in the first five minutes, then you’re the sucker.”

That’s a paraphrase, by the way. I think it was a gambling movie, and I’m not a fan of gambling (gambling is an activity built on a foundation of suckers, just so you know), so I think my heart wasn’t into the movie, and my mind wanders in those situations.

For some reason, the comment in this movie that I didn’t care about irked me more than it should have, but moments later, I realized, CRAP!  I really AM the sucker!  I’m not the sucker in every situation, but I realized that I’d definitely been burned by engaging in sucker tendencies. 

The idea was first introduced to me back in the 1980s when I was 18 or 19 and a college acquaintance said that I looked like a natural born sucker.  I didn’t think much of it at the time because the guy who said it was drunk and a jerk even when he was sober. He said I was a sucker for driving a bunch of guys on my dorm floor to a series of parties, that I was being taken advantage of, that he was telling me for my own good, which I thought was funny.

From my perspective, I was using these guys to get access to parties that I never would have known about. Then I’d get bored after five minutes and want to leave. I think I had been brainwashed into thinking that I’d like parties, but that’s a different story. I’ve known ever since that I don’t like parties, so it was a good lesson.

The people who don’t see themselves as suckers often think of themselves as ‘wolves.’ Think of the movie The Wolf of Wall Street, and you get the idea. In this film, the wolf and his sycophants preyed on those that they saw with contempt as sheep, swindling them with dishonest stock purchases and taking all their money. From their perspective, the sheep deserved it because they were stupid enough to fall for the tricks.

Several guys have tried to sell me Bitcoin over the last few years, and I suspected that they were playing me for a sucker because they always tried this when the value was at its peak (and probably overvalued).  I figure that if Bitcoin were such a great deal, they wouldn’t be offering it to a guy like me.  Besides, none of these cryptocurrency acquaintances had bought (or were going to buy) my book.  If you don’t buy my book, I don’t buy your cryptocurrency… unless you’re getting me a great deal.  

I tried renting a couple properties for a few years and lost money because I was (a sucker and) too nice to the tenants.  To be fair, it wasn’t the only reason.  I didn’t fully understand property valuation in my state (that was my fault). A natural disaster in my city led to property insurance rates skyrocketing.  Inflation rates were going up higher than normal.  Through it all, my wife and I tried to help out our tenants by keeping the rent the same through tough times.  Even so, the tenants skipped out on the final months and messed up the properties.

When I explained all this to an acquaintance who was much more successful with his properties than I had been, he looked at me almost with disgust.

‘’Why would you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?” I said.

“Not raise the rent,” he said.  I had the feeling that he wanted to add a “Duh!” at the end.

“I was trying to help them,” I said.

“What did that get you?” he said. “You should have raised the rent.”

No, I thought.  I shouldn’t have been a landlord.  I should have just sold the property to somebody who would have been a competent landlord.  The experience made me realize why landlords can seem so strict and ruthless.  If they’re not, then the tenants will often try to take advantage of their ‘sucker’ behavior, and some of them will even believe that the sucker deserves it. Some tenants might bail because they’re truly desperate, and I get that, but I’d be more understanding if they hadn’t trashed the properties.  

To a wolf (or a wolf wannabe), if a sucker gives away his or her money or other resources, it’s the sucker’s fault for not recognizing the wolf.  There’s no guilt or shame in a wolf.  Those insecurities like guilt and shame are weaknesses that are meant to be exposed and taken advantage of.

I’m not angry about this, and I don’t think I’m cynical.  The world has always been like this to some extent, and it’s important to know, especially in this time of obvious political and corporate extraction.  The wolves aren’t just smooth talking salespeople or pickpockets trying to distract you with out of nowhere questions. It’s also politicians colluding with corporations to extract as much money and resources from taxpayers and customers (and even their own employees) to pay off themselves, their shareholders, and their major donors.

The key today, I guess, is to have the tools/weapons to protect yourself and just enough financial stability (living within your means) to not be vulnerable to the financial leverage. Yeah, easy.

Sometimes wolves will try to use emotional manipulation or even pit a sucker’s faith against him/her, implying or stating that a true religious person would be charitable to everyone who needs it (or more helpful to that own particular wolf), but I just fall back on the words of Jesus himself (allegedly) in his Sermon on the Mount: Don’t cast pearls before swine. 

If it matters to you (and it might not), we’re not supposed to be sheep or suckers.  Jesus also warns us to beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing. There’s other stuff too, but I can only do so much Bible referencing at one time without turning some people off. At any rate, it’s our responsibility to not be suckers.  We’re supposed to protect ourselves and our families from the wolves.

Referring to non-wolves as sheep, even in a well-intentioned metaphor, makes us sound helpless, though, and that’s a crappy mentality to have in a world with constant challenges. It’s probably better to think of ourselves as bison.  I’m kind of like a bison (not physically). I’ll leave you alone, but if I feel threatened, I’m capable and willing to use force or take extreme measures to protect myself or my family.  I don’t look like the type to do that, though.  My skinny frame and  quiet voice and demeanor make me appear to be an easy victim to some wolves, but it also gives me a great element of surprise when I have to resort to going nuclear (which rarely happens). 

I also relate to bison because they can go from genial to genocidal (not literally) in about five seconds.  It’s not pretty.  I’ve made sure that my wife and daughter have never seen that side of me, but’s happened a couple times.  I could have gone to jail or worse for one incident decades ago, but the crowd was on my side, and I’m not going to put what happened into writing.

The good thing about being a bison is that the crowd, if there is one, will usually be on your side.

The wolf in sheep’s clothing metaphor is effective, but it gives the false impression that a person who tries to be fair and play by the rules is weak. It’s actually difficult to be successful by playing fair. It’s much easier to cheat and cut corners. A more precise metaphor would portray the normal everyday person as stronger and more assertive than a sheep. I’m not sure what animal would be better, though. The bison doesn’t work.

After all, there’s no way that a wolf would try to impersonate a bison. It’s just not realistic.

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Enough about me! What do you think? Is ‘sucker’ too harsh of a term? What animal is a good replacement for a sheep? Was Rounders the movie that I was remembering? What activities besides gambling should suckers stay away from? Leave a comment below!

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