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Lady Gaga Gets Bad Advice from Madonna

June 8, 2011

This Dysfunctileak just came in.  Unfortunately, we don’t have any video or pictures, so the story probably isn’t true.

It was a slow day for Lady Gaga.  Sales of her new song, record breaking at first, were starting to drop a little, and there was a political scandal so the news shows were talking about that instead of her for one day, and she was already feeling irrelevant.  Thinking that she needed to do something different, she called Madonna for some career advice.

“Staying relevant is more difficult now than it used to be,” said Madonna.  “A couple decades ago, I could go years without reinventing myself.  Today with the internet, a performer has to constantly look for a new way to keep the audience’s attention and loyalty.”

“That’s just it,” said Lady Gaga.  “I don’t want to be known as just a performer.  I want to be recognized for my singing ability too.”

“Here’s what you need to do, then,” Madonna said.  “Get rid of the weird hair and the crazy outfits, and just go out there and sing.”

Lady Gaga wasn’t sure that was such a good idea, but she decided to give it a try.  She went back to her natural hair, put all the crazy outfits away for future use, and grabbed a guitar.  During her next performance she went out with normal hair, very little makeup, without any of her fabulous outfits, and she sang an acoustic version of Born This Way.

The audience loved it.  Guys were jumping up and down.  Critics were yelling at her that her performance was daring.  This will make me relevant again, she thought.

When she went backstage, she saw Madonna waiting for her with a wry grin on her face.

“Thank you, thank you,” Lady Gaga said.  “Do you hear them?  I followed your advice, and it worked.  They appreciate me for my singing.”

“Uh, not quite,” Madonna said, hesitating.  “I think they’re applauding you because you’re naked.”

“What?” Lady Gaga was shocked.  She had concentrated so hard on her hair and playing the acoustic guitar that she had forgotten to put on her clothes for the performance.  She was mortified, which didn’t happen to her very often.

“Don’t worry about it,” Madonna said.  “Brunette and naked?  You really were Born this Way.”


Aaarrgh! I know this is a lame blog post.  As tempting as it is to delete it (and it’s tempting), I’m leaving it up to show my development as a blogger/writer.  Keep in mind that some of the people mentioned were public figure in 2011, and there was some crazy stuff going on with them.  Back then I saw this blog as practice because I knew nobody was reading it and I could experiment a little.  Now I can see that some experiments go horribly wrong.

From → Jokes/Generic

  1. This is so funny I wish I wrote it. 🙂 Great post.

    • We at Dysfunctional Literacy aren’t exactly Lady Gaga experts, so we weren’t sure if there could be anything to this story. Thanks for the positive feedback.

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