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Anthony Weiner Resigns, Gets Hired, Fired by Oprah

June 9, 2011

Oprah Winfrey called a meeting to discuss the low ratings of her OWN network, which was a surprise to many after the success of her syndicated TV show. 

“We need to do something to improve ratings, “Oprah said.  “I’m open to any suggestions.” 

“Why not some new blood?” one producer suggested meekly.  “Giving shows to your friends isn’t interesting enough.  We need somebody new and controversial to get viewers talking.” 

“What about Anthony Weiner?” another producer suggested.  “He’s controversial, telegenic, can speak well, and can obviously gather a following of women.  If CNN can give Elliot Spitzer a job, then why can’t we hire Anthony Weiner?” 

After some resistance, Oprah agreed to make her first contact with Weiner. She offered him a television show on the conditions that he would resign from office, seek professional help, and then go on a highly publicized apology tour to promote his new show on her OWN network.  Weiner sent a message agreeing to the terms, but before Oprah could make an announcement, Weiner sent her a second message. 

Oprah stared at her phone puzzled. 

“I don’t understand this,” Oprah said.  “Weiner just sent me a message saying, ‘I know this is the real reason why you hired me.’  And then there’s this picture, but I don’t know what this is.” 

She showed the picture from Weiner’s message to one of her producers.  The producer then whispered into Oprah’s ear what the picture was. 

“Oh,” said Oprah, suddenly understanding.  “That’s what one of those looks like.” 


Oprah immediately withdrew her job offer, so as of this posting, Anthony Weiner hasn’t resigned yet, but we’re still waiting.


AAArrrgh!  This was lame, even by my standards.  This is what happens when you try to participate in one of those “write 100 posts in 100 days” challenges.  Don’t do it!  Let this lame joke be your warning!

From → Jokes/Generic

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