The Introvert’s Guide to NOT Being Boring

As an introvert, talking to other people is exhausting for me, but it doesn’t help that most people think I’m boring.  People aren’t usually bold enough to tell me to my face (only a couple individuals have ever done that), but I can tell.  My voice is monotone.  I can belabor a topic.  When I start talking, people around me start yawning (or try to suppress the yawn). 

Since I’m aware that I’m boring, I have consciously figured out ways to NOT put people to sleep. That’s an advantage I have over other boring people.  A lot of boring people aren’t even aware of their dull nature.  I’m not the most scintillating conversationalist, but I at least pick up on the non-verbal signals of those around me.  I notice the yawns and see the glances at watches and cell phones.  And I take those cues as unintended insults.  So when I have to make small talk, I have four techniques that I use to try to hide the fact that I’m boring.

ASK QUESTIONS

People love talking about themselves.  Whenever I see an acquaintance nodding off during a conversation, I ask a question.  A question, even a stupid one, keeps people’s attention.  “How are you today?” is a boring question, so I replace it with something topical like, “Did the traffic suck today, or what?”  I also ask “What do you think about ____________ ?” questions.  For example, I might ask:

“What do you think about that rigged NFL game last night?”

“What do you think about that new James Patterson book with the one-page chapters?”

“What do you think about that modern remake of Welcome Back, Kotter?”

That’s the good thing about questions.  Once I ask a good question, I usually don’t have to say anything else.  Nobody knows I’m boring.

Asking questions also makes people think that I’m interested in them.  I’m not, but it helps if they think I am.  People are more tolerant of a boring guy if they think the boring guy is interested in them.

KEEP IT SHORT

People have short attention spans, and it gets worse when you’re a naturally boring person.

When I start to lose somebody’s attention (and I’ve already asked my good question), I just say something like, “I’ve got to get something to drink,” and move on.  That way I don’t have the chance to be boring.

Supposedly P.T. Barnum said, “Always leave them wanting more.”

P.T. Barnum wasn’t a boring guy.  For me, it’s, “Leave them before they get bored.”

TALK ABOUT FOOTBALL

In school, I was a borderline social outcast until I learned to start talking about football.  Once I did, I became accepted by jocks, wannabe jocks, and nerds too.  Well, I was always accepted by nerds because I was one, but that’s not the point.  Even though I still wasn’t invited to the cool parties, I could show up without getting kicked out… as long as I talked about football (and NOT about comic books or role playing games).

If sports aren’t your thing, you can substitute movies, television shows, or even… politics… if you want to throw a stink bomb into your social situation. But don’t talk about books. Most people think books are boring.

TELL STORIES

Even people who are bored by tedious details will listen to stories.  The great orators use narratives as metaphors for the points they’re trying to make.  The stories are almost always lies, but the audience usually falls for them.  Before I got married and had kids, I used to tell outrageous stories about my personal life, and I was stunned by how many people actually believed my stories were true.  I guess it’s tough to tell when a guy with a monotone voice is lying.

So basically, if you tell really short stories about relationships and ask a question every once in a while, then you probably won’t be boring.  When I got married, I stopped telling outrageous stories about my personal life, but now that I’m on my own again, I might have go back to them.

Speaking of outrageous stories, here’s my latest.

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Every once in a while, I check to see if I’m still a boring guy.  I deviate from my own rules and just start talking about what I want to talk about.  Sure enough, within seconds people around me start yawning.  I just have to accept that I’m a boring guy when I talk.  The best that I can do is follow my four tips and hope that nobody realizes I’m a boring guy.  I guess it’s okay to be boring as long as nobody else knows about it.

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Here are more Introvert’s Guides!

The Introvert’s Guide To Protesting 

The Introvert’s Guide To Talking Politics 

The Introvert’s Guide To Reading During The Holidays

The Introvert’s Guide To Dating

The Introvert’s Guide to Partying

The Introvert’s Guide To Saying No 

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Not sure? Read a sample chapter of The Sunset Rises: A 1990s Romantic Comedy.