Awkward Moments in Dating: The Misinterpreted Joke

(image via wikimedia)

Despite everything that had gone wrong so far, the date wasn’t a disaster.  Yeah, Jenny liked Garth Brooks when I hated country music.  Yeah, we went to a restaurant that Jenny’s ex-boyfriend managed.  Yeah, my nose was runny at inopportune times because of the food.  And yeah, the ex-boyfriend was sitting in my spot across from her in our booth when I returned from the bathroom.

Still, I had a couple things going for me.  Jenny understood my humor.  She made coke addiction jokes as I was taking care of my nasal issues.  And she had astounding cleavage.  I know I’ve probably mentioned it too much in this story (You can read about it here), but there’s a reason.

“Hey, Bob,” I said as I approached the booth.  I tried to put some friendly inflection in my voice.  “Thanks for keeping Jenny entertained.”  I didn’t want to seem threatened by an ex-boyfriend, and I thought I had done a good job, but then a slight itchiness returned to the back of my nasal passages, and my nose twitched and I sniffed.

“Did the food get to you?” Bob asked proudly.

“He has a coke habit,” Jenny said.

I looked around the restaurant and spotted a couple other customers sniffing or grabbing water or laughing at somebody else suffering at the table.

“It looks like I’m not the only one here with a coke habit,” I said to Bob.  His expression shifted.  His smile disappeared, and he shot a glance at Jenny.  Jenny looked startled.   I’m not sure how to describe facial features of a startled person, but she actually seemed to flinch a bit.

Bob got up.  “I’d better get back to… managing.”  He glanced at Jenny again and then shook my hand quickly and left.  I was glad he left, but I wondered if I’d said something wrong.

I was puzzled by the sudden shift in mood.  What was the big deal?

“I meant other customers were sniffling,” I said to Jenny as I sat back down.  “I didn’t mean that Bob had the coke habit.”

“It’s okay,” Jenny said, but I knew better.

“I’m serious, look around.”  But she seemed dejected.  I wondered if she still had a thing for her ex, or if she was genuinely the type to worry about hurting an ex-boyfriend’s feelings.  I mean, she shouldn’t bring dates to a place her ex managed.  And if the ex is going to be proud of giving runny noses to his customers, then he should be prepared for coke habit jokes.  Hell, Jenny had even started it!  I hate it when someone starts the joke but can’t handle the follow up.  Of course, I couldn’t say any of that.  As a guy, you just stew in it.

“It got cold in here,” Jenny said and pulled a sweater from her purse.  At first, I sat in bewilderment, wondering how she could magically pull out a sweater out from her purse.

“Do you keep a rabbit in there too?” I asked.

She laughed as she placed her arms inside the sleeves and I was glad that she seemed to have her humor back, but then she started buttoning her sweater.   I wasn’t all that concerned as she began at the bottom and worked her way up, but her fingers moved quickly and I almost shouted “Nooooo!” as she fit the final two top buttons into place.

What?  I was almost outraged! The cleavage was covered.  And then I noticed that the sweater was ugly.  How could she cover such cleavage with an ugly sweater?  It was a crime.  I don’t remember the sweater’s pattern, but it hurt my eyes.  Then I noticed she had a blemish on her nose.  And my nasal passages had suddenly cleared up.

I wondered if I was allergic to her cleavage.  I almost asked her to unbutton her sweater just to see if my nose would start running again, but there was no tactful way to do that.

I left a generous tip on the table and let Jenny lead the way out.  Since she had gone silent and covered up, I wasn’t optimistic about the rest of the date.  We still had a movie to go to, and movies could be catastrophic on a bad date.  It’s true, you don’t have to talk during a movie, but you’re stuck, and a good movie is usually tough to enjoy.  Still, I was prepared to go through with it.

“It looks like we’ll get to the show a little early,” I said as I opened the passenger side for her.  “As long as traffic cooperates.”

But when I got in on the driver’s side, Jenny announced:

“I don’t feel like going to a movie.  Just go ahead and take me home.”

Maybe I should have been glad that this date was almsot over, especially since she was covered with an ugly sweater.  Unfortunately, I knew the awkward date wasn’t over yet.  Next up would be the awkward drive home.

*****

To be continued in Awkward Moments in Dating: The Long Drive Home!

And in the meantime, you can read Awkward Moments in Dating from the start.