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The Pros and Cons of an NFL Cheerleader English Teacher

April 7, 2012
Bengals Cheerleaders.

Men are intimidated by NFL cheerleader English teachers because we’re scared of having our grammar corrected by hot chicks in skimpy uniforms. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So there’s an NFL cheerleader English teacher who may go on trial for maybe having an inappropriate relationship with one of her students.  It doesn’t matter if she is guilty or not.  The fact is that she is an NFL cheerleader English teacher, a subcategory of English teacher that most people are unfamiliar with. 

Whether it’s fair or not (or true or not), NFL cheerleaders have a reputation for being models, strippers, or entertainers in their real lives.  Being an English teacher seems like an anomaly for an NFL cheerleader.  And since the NFL cheerleader English teacher is such a rarity, her teaching methods must be evaluated. 

To do this, I’m going to compare the NFL cheerleader English teacher methods to those used by the English teacher I valued most, my 9th grade over-sensitive English teacher. 

The over-sensitive English teacher was a good teacher, but she had her faults.  She drank coffee and ate Doritos at the same time, and then got too close to us when she talked.  She cried way too easily, fleeing the classroom in tears when we made fart sounds for our onomatopoeias. 

But for all her faults, she was able to get many students to appreciate language arts, more so than any other English teacher I’ve seen. 


NFL Cheerleader English Teacher vs. Over-Sensitive English Teacher!! 

NFL cheerleader English teacher displayed awesome cleavage that kept male students transfixed. 

The over-sensitive English teacher didn’t display cleavage (which might not have been her fault due to English teacher genetics). 

The over-sensitive English teacher assigned us a literary analysis of Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken.” 

The NFL cheerleader English teacher assigned us a literary analysis detailing the advantages and disadvantages of “Being aggressive!  Be, being aggressive!” 

The over-sensitive English teacher took three days to show us Citizen Kane so that she could point out all the symbolism, metaphors, and other literary/cinematic devices. 

The NFL cheerleader took three days to show us Bring It on so that she could point out plot and… uh… character development? 

The over- sensitive English teacher gave really tough spelling tests every week. 

The NFL cheerleader English teacher expected us to work on our high kicks every day. 

The over-sensitive English teacher cried for a week after John Lennon died. 

The NFL cheerleader English teacher went into fake mourning for a week after Al Davis died. 

The over-sensitive English teacher hardly ever was absent, even on the days after she cried in front of the class. 

The NFL cheerleader English teacher was absent on most Fridays and Mondays during the football season. 

The over-sensitive English teacher made meticulous check marks next to each punctuation and grammar error on our papers. 

The NFL cheerleader English teacher read our papers in front of the class and had the class do a loud group response for each one, like, “Give her an A!” or “Give him an F!” 

The over-sensitive English teacher wrote us insightful and encouraging notes on our papers. 

The NFL cheerleader English teacher sent us really interesting (and encouraging… maybe too encouraging) text messages. 


Even those of us that value a good education have to admit that most teachers are pretty forgettable.  But it’s guaranteed that every student, at least the male ones, will always remember their NFL cheerleader English teacher.  I’ll always remember her, and she wasn’t even my teacher. 

But I will truly always remember my over-sensitive English teacher, and I hope that during her career she continued to inspire her students, but without breaking into tears after every mishap.


  1. Judy permalink

    The teacher who made me really like math was a male teacher with dandruff. I could have done without the dandruff, though.

    • Yeah, I bet the NFL cheerleader English teacher didn’t have dandruff. I bet her hair was clean and fresh and smelled like flowers and apricots and when she got really close to us to check our work, we could picture ourselves… See? We were better off with our normal teachers who had dandruff and coffee breath.

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