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Best Offensive Jokes Ever!

March 16, 2012
Brittney Skye

For some reason I thought she would appreciate my sense of humor, but she was obviously offended by my offensive jokes, and I am offended by her offensive reaction. Image via Wikipedia

An offensive joke is an anecdote that makes a person cringe while hearing (or telling) it.  We know we shouldn’t laugh, but sometimes we still do.  A BEST OFFENSIVE JOKE EVER is an anecdote where the listener expects to shudder or cringe, but instead is relieved at the end.  The following anecdotes might not be the funniest offensive jokes ever, but since they aren’t as tasteless as they could be, these are some the BEST OFFENSIVE JOKES EVER!!

*****

A SEXUAL HARRASSMENT JOKE

A lawyer was on the phone in his office, and a client was waiting patiently next to the lawyer’s desk.  While the lawyer was still talking quietly, his secretary strolled into his office.  The client raised his eyebrows at this vision of beauty.  She wore a tight dress which displayed ample natural cleavage and curved smoothly around her backside.  She confidently placed a file on her boss’s desk, bending down a bit so that the lawyer and his client could get an eyeful. 

“Thank… you,” the lawyer said, almost mechanically, not making eye contact with the secretary.  “I… appreciate… all… the… competent… work… you… do.” 

When the secretary left the office, the client almost commented about the lawyer’s self-restraint, but the lawyer signaled him to be quiet for another moment.

 After the phone conversation was over, the client said, “Time’s have changed.  A few years ago you would have said something lewd or suggestive to that babe.” 

“Yeah,” the lawyer said.  “But I’ve learned that sometimes I have to be careful with what I say.” 

The client shook his head.  “It’s that sexual harassment political correctness run amok.” 

“No,” the lawyer said.  “That was my wife on the phone.” 

*****

A RACIST JOKE

A racist was driving down the street, marveling at the inferiority of all the drivers around him. 

“Look at that stupid (colorful, racist expletive),” the racist said.  “Driving with the bass turned up so high the pavement shakes.  What a dumb (colorful, racist expletive).” 

“And look at that stupid (colorful, racist expletive),” the racist said, staring at another car.  “The hood and trunk of his car are moving up and down so much it looks like the car is humping the street.  What a dumb (colorful, racist expletive).” 

“Now look at that stupid (colorful, racist expletive),” the racist said.  “Driving  so slow that he’s causing a traffic jam.  What a dumb (colorful, racist expletive).” 

Then the racist noticed a police car behind him with its siren on. 

“Of course, I’m the one that gets pulled over,” the racist muttered. 

“Sir,” the police officer said after the racist rolled down his window.  “Are you aware that you just ran a red light?” 

“I’m sorry, officer,” the racist said.  “I don’t see color.”

*****

A PENN STATE JOKE

A Penn State football recruiter was visiting a highly regarded high school player.  The recruiter talked about the winning traditions of Penn State and its proud history (and stayed away from mentioning the Sandusky scandal), but despite the recruiter’s best efforts, the high school football player insisted he didn’t plan on going to Penn State. 

“Why not?” the recruiter asked, hesitantly.  “Is it because of any scandals that you’ve heard about?” 

“No, I don’t know about any scandals,” the high school football player said. 

“Really?” the recruiter said, perplexed.  “Is it about the coaching changes then?” 

“No, I don’t mind the coaching changes,” the football player said. 

“Is it about our bland uniforms?” the recruiter asked. 

“No, I don’t mind your uniforms,” the football player said. 

Puzzled, the recruiter asked, “Then why is it that you don’t want to come to Penn State?” 

“Because every other university set me up with some really hot college women on my recruiting visits,” the football player said.   “At Penn State, all I got was some old naked guy in the shower.”

From → Best Jokes Ever!

One Comment
  1. Penn State haha!

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