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Porn Star Threatens to Go on Strike if Condom Use Becomes Mandatory

September 6, 2011
Unknown porn actress at Forbidden City party o...

“Hey, if the ladies have to wear tacky high heels in every scene, then the guys can wear something useless too.” Image via Wikipedia

A male porn star with a tacky fake double entendre name was discussing his profession with a female who was not involved in the industry.  She was a platonic friend, kind of disturbed by what the porn guy did for a living, but intrigued enough to maintain (nonphysical) contact with him.  She knew her porn star friend had been upset when production was shut down because another porn star had tested positive (which was bad), but now that the positive porn star had retested negative (which was good), filming was back on.

“The producers are talking about forcing us to wear condoms,” the male porn star said in disgust.

“Oh God,” the female said.  “Please don’t complain about how wearing a condom affects your sensitivity.”

“You shouldn’t say ‘Oh God’ to me,” the porn star said, leering.  “I don’t like condoms because they mess up my timing.  And in my business, timing is everything.”

“Ick,” the female said.

“You know what rhymes with ‘ick’.” the porn star said, leering again.  “If they force me to wear a condom, I might go on strike.”

The female laughed.  “You’re not irreplaceable, you know.  They can get any guy to do what you do.”

“Every guy might want to do what I do, but not every guy can do what I do the way I do it,” the porn star said, winking at the female friend.  “And what I do is not something you can just CGI.”

“Why not?” the female friend asked.  “CGI would make the industry safer, and nobody would have to worry about their timing.  Why can’t you be replaced with computer-generated imagery?”

The porn star stared crestfallen for a moment, but then the weird smirk returned to his face.  “They can’t replace us because CGI makes everybody look creepy.”

*****

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