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Michele Bachmann Mud Wrestles Sarah Palin for GOP Supremacy

July 1, 2011

Sarah Palin (if she decided to run for president) and Michele Bachmann were going to have to face each other in the Republican primary at some point, and the political world was looking forward to the match up, maybe looking forward to it too much.

In order to avoid any metaphorical mud wrestling that might occur, the two hot female candidates agreed to a real mud wrestling contest that would determine the female frontrunner in the Republican Party.  They agreed that it would be a pay-per-view event with an exorbitant price.  The winner would get a chance at the nomination and be able to use the proceeds from the event as campaign funds (thanks to recent United States Supreme Court decisions).

“Abraham Lincoln was a mud wrestler,” Michele Bachmann proclaimed in order to justify the event, “and I am proud to continue the tradition set by our very first Republican founding father.”

The bout was scheduled at the same time as President Obama’s address to the nation where he planned to explain how he would blame Republicans for his own inability to solve the nation’s debt crisis.

“Let me be clear, this is unacceptable,” President Obama said to his aides.  “How am I supposed to give my speech when I’m… uh… watching female mud wrestling?”

The match started out friendly enough.  Both women entered the mud pit in two-piece swimming suits and shook hands in the middle of the ring.  But as the wrestling progressed, the spirit of competition, as it often does in the imaginations of lecherous men, got the better of the female combatants.  The wrestling got more physical, the grappling more intense, and yes, the outfits came off.

The two naked hot Republican women continued wrestling, grappling, rolling on top of each other, grunting with exertion, their two bodies intertwined in limbs, sweat, and mud. The audience couldn’t tell Sarah from Michele, Bachmann from Palin, and they didn’t care.  The combatants were clasped together so tightly that their faces brushed together once, and then they stopped, stared into each other’s eyes.  Their bodies stopped struggling and were still.

And then Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann kissed.

Men throughout the world raised their arms in joy and shouted, “Yes!”


Afterward, when they had cleaned up and returned to their more appropriate attire, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann were met by an establishment Republican who was extremely upset by what had just happened.

“You have embarrassed the Republican party tonight,” he said.  “Not only that, you have embarrassed the entire country.  How could you two engage in such humiliating behavior?”

“We were tired of the lamestream media overanalyzing and making fun of everything we say,” Sarah Palin responded.  “After tonight, we can say anything we want, and nobody will care.”


AAArrrgh!  This was lame, even by my standards.  This is what happens when you try to participate in one of those “write 100 posts in 100 days” challenges.  Don’t do it!  Let this lame joke be your warning!

From → Jokes/Generic

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