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Boyfriend Search for Bristol Palin

May 26, 2011

After the whole Levi Johnston debacle, the Palin family was very wary of Bristol’s ability to choose her own boyfriend.  With the family being so high profile, she would be even more likely to attract unsuitable types for the family’s high standards.  Todd Palin decided that he would meet every potential boyfriend and decide for himself whether the suitor was good enough for his daughter.

One day a nice looking young man approached the Palin household to introduce himself to Todd and Bristol.  Todd had out his rifle to encourage good behavior.

“Hello, sir, my name is Joe,” the young man said.  “I’d like to take Bristol to a show.  I beat up Levi, I hope you know.”

Not bad, Todd thought.  Anybody who beat up Levi Johnston has to have some good qualities.  Todd approved of Joe, and Joe went out with Bristol a few times, but it didn’t work out, so a few weeks later, another young man introduced himself.

“Hello, sir, my name is Jerry.  Bristol is the kind of girl I’d like to marry.  I think Kathy Griffin is very scary.”

Okay, Todd thought.  I’d rather Bristol have a boyfriend/husband who beats up Levi Johnston on a regular basis, but at least this guy recognizes the difference between a good woman and a bad one.  So he approved of Jerry, but it didn’t work out, and a few weeks later another young man introduced himself.

“Hello, sir, my name is Sonny.  People tell me I’m kind of funny.  Bristol is hot, and I know she has money.”

Todd shook his head, exasperated at how the quality of boyfriend was steadily declining.  He reluctantly approved of Sonny, but it didn’t work out, and a few weeks later another young man introduced himself.

“Hello, sir, my name is Chuck.  Your daughter is a girl I’d like to…”

According to urban legend, Todd  shot him, but that’s not what really happened.  Instead, Todd stopped Chuck right there and gave him Kathy Griffin’s phone number.


Aaarrgh! I know this is a lame blog post.  As tempting as it is to delete it (and it’s tempting), I’m leaving it up to show my development as a blogger/writer.  Keep in mind that some of the people mentioned were public figure in 2011, and there was some crazy stuff going on with them.  Back then I saw this blog as practice because I knew nobody was reading it and I could experiment a little.  Now I can see that some experiments go horribly wrong.



From → Jokes/Generic

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