Sarah Palin’s Deleted Hunting Scene

It has been awhile since Sarah Palin’s reality show about Alaska was aired, but now that Bristol is going to have her own show, we at Dysfunctional Literacy thought it was okay to pull this (untrue) story out of the archives.

Sarah Palin and Kate Gosseling went hunting in Alaska with Kate’s eight children and a bunch of reality television crews behind them.  With all the noise between the kids and the crew, it was difficult to spot any deaf mooses, but Sarah finally spotted a hungry bear, a ravenous bear that was so starving, it saw the reality crew as a meal rather than predators.

Sarah took aim with her rifle, but as the bear charged, Kate got scared and shrieked in Sarah’s ear, throwing off Sarah’s aim, and she missed her shot.  The bear kept charging, the crew dropped their cameras and ran, the children scattered, and Kate clung to Sarah petrified, keeping Sarah from reloading.

All Sarah could do was pray.  “Lord, please let this bear be a better Christian than I am.  Please let this bear be a better Christian than I am.  Please, Lord, let this bear be a better Christian than I am.”

Suddenly, the bear stopped, got on its knees, and prayed.  It appeared that this was a miracle until they heard what the bear said in its prayer.

“Dear Lord, thank you for the meal I am about to eat,” the bear prayed.  “You have delivered unto me not one, but two humans, and I am grateful for your generosity.”

While the bear was praying, Sarah quickly reloaded her rifle and shot the bear, killing it with one pull of the trigger.

“How could you do that?” Kate screamed in disbelief.  “You asked God for a Christian bear, and this is what you do to it?”

“And people say I’m stupid” Sarah Palin said.  “That’s why I asked for the bear to be a better Christian than I am.”

*****

UPDATE- June 20, 2018

Aaarrgh! I know this is a lame blog post.  As tempting as it is to delete it (and it’s tempting), I’m leaving it up to show my development as a blogger/writer.  Keep in mind that some of the people mentioned were public figures in 2011, and there was some crazy stuff going on with them.  Back then I saw this blog as practice because I knew nobody was reading it and I could experiment a little.  Now I can see that some experiments go horribly wrong.