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The Holy Bible, A Great Christmas Gift for Somebody!

December 21, 2020

I’m giving my daughter a brand new copy of The Holy Bible for Christmas. It’s not her only gift. She’s going to get a pretty good haul this Christmas, but I like The Holy Bible as a Christmas gift. It seems to fit. It’s better as a Christmas gift than one for her birthday or Valentine’s Day or Halloween or the Fourth of July.

I’ve been reading an older copy of The Holy Bible that originally belonged to my wife’s grandmother. I’m not giving my daughter that copy yet (it’s probably not mine to give anyway). I don’t think my daughter’s ready for that copy yet.

I’m pretty sure my daughter won’t actually read her own copy of The Holy Bible for a while. She’s 18, and we’re not exactly church-going folk. She might never read it. She might glance at it and then put it aside when I’m not looking and then misplace it.

That’s why I didn’t buy her an expensive copy of The Holy Bible. This copy of The Holy Bible was relatively cheap for a book. It wasn’t much more expensive than an elaborate greeting card that plays corny music. I don’t think it’s a good idea if The Holy Bible plays corny music when you open it. That might take away the seriousness of some of the messages.

Reading the entire Holy Bible can be a slog. I don’t blame God for that. A bunch of humans have rewritten and retranslated it over a couple thousand years. I don’t even blame people for thinking that The Holy Bible is a slog, but it’s not as bad as some literary fiction. I figured that if I could get through three pages of Finnegans Wake, then I can read The Holy Bible. At least, I think I got through three pages of Finnegans Wake. It might have just been a long two.

I don’t think you have to read the entire Holy Bible for it to be useful. I think some Books are better than others. I’m not going to rank the books in a TOP TEN BOOKS in THE HOLY BIBLE as potential clickbait, though I’m sure somebody has done that. I don’t want to get spammed by somebody upset that I didn’t rank Malachi in my top five.

Malachi is awesome, alright?? It just didn’t quite make the cut!

If I had to choose a favorite book in The Holy Bible, I’d pick Matthew. Matthew has a bunch of good stuff about Jesus and his teachings, and you can’t go wrong reading about Jesus, unless you really don’t believe in God so much that you get angry at people for believing. If that’s the case, maybe Genesis or Revelations would be better.

I don’t even care if people believe in Jesus. I don’t care if people believe Jesus was the Son of God, or if Jesus was a prophet, or if Jesus never even existed. His teachings are pretty cool. If everybody followed his basic guidelines, people would get along a lot better and a lot of social problems wouldn’t exist.

I’m not saying that a brand new copy of The Holy Bible is a perfect gift for everybody. A hotel owner probably doesn’t need one (or maybe the hotel owner could use a bunch of them). But I think it’s a good gift for my daughter in our current situation. It might be a good stocking stuffer. And it’s a lot better than giving my daughter a copy of Finnegans Wake.


Oh yeah, just so you know, my daughter doesn’t read this blog.

  1. I grew up Catholic, but refused to get confirmed, so if anyone who knows my history gave me the Bible, I would not be pleased. Still, if forced to read it, I’m old testament all the way. That’s where all the good stories are!

    • If we ever participate in a blogger Secret Santa gift exchange, I’ll make sure I don’t give you The Holy Bible. I’ll still think of something cool, but not that.

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