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I Accidentally Became A Conspiracy Theorist

February 13, 2019

(image via wikimedia)

I didn’t mean to become a conspiracy theorist.  I’ve been a normal guy all my life.  I went to college, found a decent profession, got married, and started a family.  That’s supposedly what normal people do.

Then one day while driving with my daughter, I was talking about something in the news (I won’t say what) and tying it back to something that that had happened months earlier that nobody else connected, and my daughter laughed.

“It’s not funny,” I said.  “This is serious stuff.”

“But you look crazy,” my daughter said.  “You have that look in your eye, the crazy conspiracy theorist look.”

“I’m not a conspiracy theorist,” I said.  “There’s just some weird stuff going on.”

“That weird stuff is the conspiracy,” she said.

I drove silently for a while, listening to the radio.  Some current pop schlock song was on with a simple hypnotizing beat and vulgar lyrics, and I knew it was no accident that this was marketed to kids.  It was on purpose.  Some very rich people who run the music industry want kids to listen to music about sex, violence, and habits that would make them unproductive to society.

Ugh, I thought.  My daughter was right.  And my wife would kill me if she found out I was a conspiracy theorist.

“Does your mom know?” I asked.

“I don’t think so,” she said.

“Good,” I said.  “Don’t tell her.”

I haven’t been like this for long.  I didn’t always think like this, but I know exactly when it started, and I explain it below:

From → Pop culture

2 Comments
  1. I know someone who’s a real conspiracy theorist. You’ll be talking to him about something ordinary, next thing, he’ll get a distracted look in his eye, grab his phone and start showing you grainy underwater images of the lost city of Atlantis, the location of which is being hidden by governments because the site houses ancient technology that’s worth billions of dollars … I mock – inwardly -, nod – politely – and then get slightly paranoid that he’s Mel Gibson in the film Conspiracy Theory, that beneath all the crazy rubbish, he might one day stumble across something real …

    • Yeah, I believe that governments hide a lot of shady stuff, but… the lost city of Atlantis? I’m not there yet.

      Don’t get me wrong, I COULD get there, but I’m not yet.

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