I Accidentally Became A Conspiracy Theorist

(image via wikimedia)

I didn’t mean to become a conspiracy theorist.  I’ve been a normal guy all my life.  I went to college, found a decent profession, got married, and started a family.  That’s supposedly what normal people do.

Then one day while driving with my daughter, I was talking about something in the news (I won’t say what) and tying it back to something that that had happened months earlier that nobody else connected, and my daughter laughed.

“It’s not funny,” I said.  “This is serious stuff.”

“But you look crazy,” my daughter said.  “You have that look in your eye, the crazy conspiracy theorist look.”

“I’m not a conspiracy theorist,” I said.  “There’s just some weird stuff going on.”

“That weird stuff is the conspiracy,” she said.

I drove silently for a while, listening to the radio.  Some current pop schlock song was on with a simple hypnotizing beat and vulgar lyrics, and I knew it was no accident that this was marketed to kids.  It was on purpose.  Some very rich people who run the music industry want kids to listen to music about sex, violence, and habits that would make them unproductive to society.

Ugh, I thought.  My daughter was right.  And my wife would kill me if she found out I was a conspiracy theorist.

“Does your mom know?” I asked.

“I don’t think so,” she said.

“Good,” I said.  “Don’t tell her.”

I haven’t been like this for long.  I didn’t always think like this, but I know exactly when it started, and I explain it below: