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What Books Would You Ban for Banned Book Week?

August 31, 2018

Trust me, there’s a reason this book should get banned!

The upcoming Banned Book Week is kind of misleading.  It sounds like a week where angry, close-minded readers could burn/defile/destroy any novels or books they found offensive or didn’t like.  I was kind of getting excited.  You mean, I get to ban books for a week?

Instead, the American Library Association uses Banned Book Week (September 22-29)  to promote books that get challenged sometimes by local libraries or people in their communities.  Ugh.  That’s disappointing.  I was looking forward to banning some books

Everybody claims they’re for free speech, but everybody has a breaking point.  Even the ALA has limits.  A couple months ago the ALA changed the name of the Laura Ingalls Wilder Award to the Children’s Legacy Literature Award because of some unintentionally offensive stuff Wilders wrote in her Little House on the Prairie  books almost 100 years ago.

Removing the author’s name from an award isn’t the same as banning a book, but it shows that the ALA is tolerant of diverse points-of-views until it’s not.  Removing the author’s name from an award is the first step on the slippery slope, the gateway, to banning books outright.

Just in case you can’t tell (because of my monotone voice), I don’t really believe in banning books.  But if I had to ban books, if somebody threatened me with world destruction if I didn’t ban books, if I absolutely was forced to ban some books, these are the books I’d get rid of.

  1. 1984 by George Orwell and 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke

This is what happens when you write a futuristic book and use the futuristic year as your title. Both 1984 and 2001 have passed us by, and both books with these years as their titles were way off. They weren’t even close. Once the year of a futuristic book with the year in the title has passed us by, the book should get banned because it might confuse people who read it. What if befuddled readers thought 1984 and 2001: A Space Odyssey were historical novels? We must prevent such confusion and ban the books just to be on the safe side.

By the way, I also believe the Prince song “1999” should be banned. I was there in 1999 and saw how people partied that year, and believe me, it was ugly.

  1.     Any book written by a politician

Politicians, especially at the federal level, have it made.  They write/pass laws that they don’t have to follow.  Many of them go in as middle class and come out wealthy (how does that happen?).  They raise tons of money, much of it from people who probably can’t afford it.  Then they write books and expect their constituents to buy them.

The only thing worse than listening to a politician is reading their books.  BAN THEM ALL!!

  1. Any James Patterson book with a co-author

James Patterson has enough books published already (I’m not going to count them). He doesn’t need any more, especially if somebody else is writing the books for him.

I’m not completely unreasonable. If I’m James Patterson’s co-author, the book doesn’t need to get banned.  Book banners always exempt themselves.

Otherwise, BAN ALL JAMES PATTERSON BOOKS!!

  1. Palo Alto and Actors Anonymous by James Franco

These books came out a few years ago, and you don’t hear much about them now, but I still like to mention them occasionally to remind people how fraudulent the media and the book industry can be.  James Franco was promoted as a celebrity who had writing talent and flourished through a prestigious writing program, but Franco’s writing is… average (at best).  Either the Ivy League university’s writing program is overrated, or the Ivy League university’s program looked the other way and pretended this celebrity had writing chops.

Ivy League… what a scam!  These books deserve to be BANNED!!

  1. Any Book on a MUST READ List

I don’t like it when websites tell me what I must read. I didn’t like it when high school teachers and college professors did it. I really don’t like it when somebody who has no authority over tries to tell me I “MUST READ” a book. I’ll decide what books I must read. And if I could, I’d ban every book from those “Must Read” lists just to discourage others from making such lists.

While I’m at it, let’s ban any writer who even makes a MUST READ list.  Why should the books get all the blame?  BAN EVERYBODY INVOLVED!!

*****

Believe me, I take the act of banning books very seriously. I don’t like making decisions for other people, but if I don’t, then somebody else will make the decision for me.   Why shouldn’t I be the one who gets to decide which books to ban?  My opinion is just as important as anybody else who decides to ban books!

But enough about me! What books do you think should get banned? Do the books that I mentioned deserve to get banned?  What criteria do you use when deciding what books to ban?

*****

Here’s a book that’s never been banned, but maybe it should be.

Now available on the Amazon Kindle

5 Comments
  1. I would ban all cooking mysteries, especially ones with cute titles like “Hummus and Homicide,” or “Cheddar off Dead.”

    • “Cheddar off Dead”? Haha! It takes a lot of guts to publish a book with that title.

      I would have forgiven it, but the author has another one out called “Pudding Up with Murder.”

      Now I’m with you. BAN THEM ALL!!!!!!

  2. Love this! I think my readers would too. I’d like to reblog it close to Banned Books Week. Also, that gives me a chance to think up a catchy title for my blog to go with the cooking mystery titles.

  3. I just remembered! I’ve banned the American Library Association because it’s pretty much impossible for an Indie Author or an Indie Publisher to get a book on a library shelf unless said Indie Author puts it there him/herself.

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