Old Things That Are Tough To Explain: The Sunday Newspaper

Before the internet came around, Sunday newspapers were the best!  I don’t just mean that the Sunday newspaper was better than other newspapers.  I mean Sunday newspapers were the best!   They were better than television.  They were better than movies.  They were better than most relationships.  Even hyperbole doesn’t do Sunday newspapers justice.

The Sunday newspaper was giant, and you could sling that wrapped paper over your shoulder like you were Santa Clause.  Once you took that newspaper out of its wrapping and started reading it, it would be impossible to put back.  It was like trying to fold a baby and stuff it back into its mom.  It just doesn’t work.  But why would you want to?  The Sunday newspaper was awesome!

The Sunday comic strips were the best.  They had more panels and were in color.  If you were a cheapskate, you could collect them and use them as wrapping paper for gifts if necessary.  During birthdays and Christmases in the 1970s and 80s, everybody knew which gifts were from me because of the colorful comic strips.  I even cut and taped the comic strip wrapping paper so that you could read the strips while the gift was wrapped.

Sunday mornings were the best mornings, better even than Saturday!  Before going to church, I could spread out that giant paper, drink my coffee, and read the paper section-by-section.  I had an order.  Headlines, sports, comics, opinion, entertainment, living, and then whatever.  Every section was 2-5 times larger than normal, so the whole paper might take a couple hours to read.  I could drink a lot of coffee in two hours.

I usually felt pretty good after reading the Sunday paper because I took my time and drank a lot of coffee.  But that coffee sometimes struck when I was at church.  If I had to get up in the middle of the service to use the restroom, I’d get dirty looks.  I could have sneaked out during communion without many people noticing, but that kind of defeated the purpose of going to church.  So I usually waited it out and prayed for a short sermon.  I think everybody prays for a short sermon, even if they don’t drink a lot of coffee before church.

My best friend in high school hated to read, but he could look at the Sunday entertainment section and memorize the entire week of television programming, even with the cable channels included.  That Sunday paper kept my friend from getting “tested.”  No kid wanted to get “tested,” even if he/she needed it.  I’m sure my friend’s parents were thinking about having him tested, but that entertainment section proved to them that he could read just fine.  Thank you, Sunday entertainment section!

One of my letters to the editor got published in the opinion section of a Sunday paper 25 years ago, and I was so proud that I kept the whole section.  It’s yellow now (cheap newsprint) but still intact.  Looking back, I sounded like a crank.  I think every letter written to the editor sounds like it was written by a crank.  To their credit, the newspaper editors didn’t change anything, so all that crankiness was mine.  Now that particular newspaper no longer exists, but I have a blog, and I still sound cranky when I write.

Even though the Sunday newspaper still exists, it’s not such a big deal anymore.  People might still look for coupons or inserts.  People might still read the giant comic strips in color.  The multi-paged opinion section might have some interesting viewpoints.  The internet has all that stuff now.  You can find your own coupons.  You can choose which comic strips to read.  The internet is filled with plenty of opinions.

With the internet, every day is Sunday.  There’s nothing special about the internet on Sunday.  Maybe the internet should do something special on Sunday just to bring back that feeling.  Maybe the internet should go black&white for every day except Sunday.  It’s too late for that, though.  Everybody has been spoiled by all-color internet every day of the week.

Since the internet has replaced the newspaper, the internet should think of a way to make Sundays cool again.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think it’s cool that every day can feel like Sunday.  Maybe we could just turn off part of the internet for six days and use it only on Sunday.  That would make the Sunday internet special.  Nobody would want to shut down the internet every day, but it would demonstrate how awesome the Sunday newspaper was, because that is kind of hard to explain.

*****

What do you think?  What was your favorite part of the Sunday newspaper?  What else can be done to make Sunday an awesome day?