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Snoring Is Not A Character Flaw

November 9, 2015
(image via wikimedia)

(image via wikimedia)

When I told my wife a few days ago that she snores, she said without hesitation: “No, I don’t.”

I wasn’t surprised.  Snoring denial seems pretty common.  When I told my college roommate 30 years ago that he snored, he denied it.  I too initially denied snoring when my wife accused me of it ten years ago.  After she kicked me out of the bedroom, I decided to get myself checked out.  Now I have a CPAP, which takes getting used to, but my wife and I are back in the same room again.  I admit now that I snore, but I was initially a denier.

I don’t know how snoring deniers know whether or not we/they snore.  We’re asleep when we snore.  In my wife’s case, she snores lightly, like a purr.  It’s endearing, but it might lead to heavier snoring.  Her purring could be a gateway snore that will later lead to health problems, and I don’t want her to risk that.

At the same time, I didn’t want to get into a repetitive argument with my wife over snoring.  After all, we live in the new millenium where we no longer have to argue forever about things that are easily proven true or false.  That night in bed when she started breathing heavily and making light snorting noises, I grabbed my phone and videoed her.  After a few seconds, I had irrefutable proof that my wife snored.  There was no way she could argue with me now.

To be clear, I don’t normally have a need to win arguments.  If I’m wrong about something, I’ll usually admit it.  But I hate knowing that I’m right when somebody else thinks I’m wrong.  I can live with it, but it bugs me.   Plus, I didn’t want my wife to think I was lying about a simple matter as snoring.  And with the phone, I had my proof.

When I began to show my wife the video on my phone, she stopped it and said: “That’s an invasion of my privacy.”

“I’m not putting it on the internet,” I said.  “Just watch it.  It’s proof that you snore.”

“Delete it,” she demanded.

“Just watch it,” I said.

“Delete it.”

I knew then there was no way my wife was going to watch herself snore.  I could play it on the computer or on the television, but that would only make her mad, and I’d have to sleep on the couch, and that would have defeated the purpose of me wearing a CPAP.  Plus, there would be no way for me to monitor her snoring, so I decided to concede.

Still, my wife doesn’t believe me when I tell her that she snores.  She thinks I’m lying.  Maybe she thinks I want revenge for having to wear a CPAP.  Whatever the reason, she thinks she doesn’t snore.  I’d understand if she said that she was surprised that she snores.  But she said I was wrong, and she said it with lots of confidence.

“Snoring isn’t a character flaw,” I told my wife.  “There’s no good reason to deny it.”

“I don’t like false accusations,” my wife said.  “And reading in the middle of the night is a character flaw.  That’s worse than snoring.”

Ugh, I thought.  Sometimes I read in the middle of the night, and my wife claims the light from my phone wakes her up.  It’s not the light that wakes her up; it’s her own snoring.  When I leave the bedroom to read in another room, she claims my movement wakes her up too.  If I switch positions in bed, that wakes up my wife as well, she says.  I know she wakes up because the snoring makes her a light sleeper.

“There’s no reason to get defensive about snoring,” I said.  “It’s just what your body does.  It’s like denying that you sneeze or denying that your farts stink.”

“My farts don’t stink,” my wife said.

My daughters laughed at that, and then they stared at their phones, pretending that nothing had happened.  I knew the discussion was over for the time being.  When an argument degenerates into whether or not farts smell, it’s time to stop. But I’ll see that my wife gets her snoring checked out.  It’s not that I have to be proven right.  It’s a health issue.


What do you think?  Should I give up trying to convince my wife that she snores?  Is it wrong to video snoring spouses while they sleep?  Is it really a character flaw to read in bed?


When I was a kid, I was punished for saying the word crap.  Looking back, it kind of ticks me off because now I know…

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From → Dysfunctileaks

  1. I think it’s funny because my husband snores and still denies it after I showed him the video of him snoring! He laughed while denying it though so he secretly knows. I think I would be mortified if I was told I snore. So perhaps she doesn’t want to think she snores! As for reading in bed… well now, that is a must.

    • At least your husband didn’t think it was a privacy issue. And I agree with you about reading. I just have to move slowly and make sure the light isn’t aimed in my wife’s direction (and hope my wife doesn’t start snoring).

      • I think it’s different because most of the time wives are “right” even if they are “wrong” 😉 that’s a good start!

  2. Drea Breann Salas permalink

    I always thought snoring meant you were sleeping really good and if that’s the case everyone in the world would be snoring if so.

    • In my case, the snoring meant I wasn’t breathing properly. I breathe much better now (and sleep better now too).

      • Drea Breann Salas permalink

        That’s good to hear and how did you treat your breathing problem?

  3. Hmm, I find it interesting that she refused to watch the video. I have no idea what to make of it, but it is interesting.
    If your wife was allowed to kick you out of bed for snoring do you have the same rights? I am just wondering if that would convince her to see someone about it. Of course this suggestion could go horribly wrong too depending on your wife’s personality so I wouldn’t say it is best practice. Just something to consider perhaps.

  4. I can relate. My husband snores. Luckily, I can’t sleep with anyone next to me for various reasons (like I can’t tolerate another smell on sheets and pillows) so we always sleep in separate rooms with an adjoining door. And yes, I was tempted to video him countless times. I don’t do it out of respect.

  5. I feel your pain. My husband snores and won’t deal with it. I can’t sleep next to him unless I am well into dreamland when he comes to bed. It’s gotten worse over the years and I did video tape him once to show him how bad it has become. His reply – you snore too.

  6. uah,i know what it feels like , cause my father snores as well, but after all it turned out that he had a health issue , so your wife should believe what she saw in her own eyes, but about reading at the middle of the night, yeah it’s kinda suck, cause my sister used to do that with me and does annoying me at night, so you should stop that habit man 🙂

  7. this made me laugh. My sweetheart snores heavily, but I am a good sleeper. You could basically through me and my bed out of the window, and I wouldn’t wake up. So, snoring or reading in bed or even the TV on all night never bothers me. However, I’ve been told to snore a lot, too. And have been videotaped doing it after the automtic denial reaction with a twinkle in the eye. So, ok, I snore, but he is worse 🙂

  8. I know several people who sleep separately and they’re much better off that way. Neither me or my other half sleep well, though we’ve just invested in a new bed, so I don’t see either of us shifting from it 🙂

  9. My husband snores like a hacksaw, and denies it. I’ve filmed him, I’ve made him download an app, I’ve even sent him for a sleep study — he still denies it. Then again, the sleep study didnt find anything because the wires kept him awake. But that’s proof-positive in his book that he doesn’t snore and I’m crazy. LOL

  10. If it’s something that could potentially affect her health then yes, something needs to be done about it. As for reading nothing wrong with it but if she is a light sleeper just read in another room before you go to sleep!

  11. Hmm….that’s a tricky one. My husband and I both snore, so I can relate to both sides. You’re so right though….people do perceive it as a character flaw, and it’s not! Since you are concerned about her health, I probably wouldn’t drop it. Maybe casually leave articles around about sleep apnea and how dangerous it can be.

  12. thoughts36 permalink

    Reblogged this on That's Life and commented:
    I just stumbled across this blog post. It made me smile – is it about snoring or is it really about wives and how we are always right even when wrong. Do read the comments too, I wonder how many of us have recorded our partners snoring just to prove a point 😉

  13. Out of respect you should not have video taped her but ensure she is checked about it

  14. Dina permalink

    Give up… trust me 🙂

  15. Here’s the thing. Apparently I snore, too, and although I know it’s not a “character flaw,” it does feel rather unfeminine to me. Perhaps your wife feels embarrassed, as do I, and to be honest I’d rather live in my little make believe bubble….a world where I don’t snore. Do you need her to know you know? Do you need to tell her that she does? If not, let her live in her bubble, too. You’ll both be happier for it.

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