A Brand New James Patterson Joke!
It’s tough to write a James Patterson joke because you know that very few people are going to get it, and the very few who do understand it probably won’t think it’s funny. Despite these obstacles, I felt again compelled to write another…
BRAND NEW JAMES PATTERSON JOKE!
James Patterson, Stephen King, John Grisham, Janet Evanovich, Danielle Steel, and an unknown author were competing to see who could write a 300-page novel in the fastest time. The six authors gathered at a coffee shop, pulled out their laptops, tablets, and other assorted writing devices, and began composing furiously.
While the other authors stared at screens and tapped at keyboards, James Patterson sat back on a couch, smoked a cigar, and drank coffee. I don’t know if James Patterson really smokes cigars and drinks coffee, but he does in this story. He occasionally checked his tablet/smart phone, and then went back to smoking and drinking coffee.
After a few hours of writing, the unknown author finally stopped and took a deep breath. The other authors (except James Patterson) continued writing.
“Done!” James Patterson suddenly declared. He printed out hundreds of pages of text and handed a manuscript to each of the competing authors. James Patterson then left to take a break while the other authors judged his work.
“This manuscript is full of half-page chapters,” Stephen King said. “That’s typical James Patterson.”
“The plot is far-fetched, and the dialogue is atrocious,” Janet Evanovich said. “That’s typical James Patterson.”
“I can barely see my name because his takes up all the space,” the unknown author complained, squinting at the cover of the manuscript. “That’s typical James Patterson.”
Cough, cough! Okay, it’s been awhile since I’ve written one of these. I guess I’m a little rusty.