I Threw A Book Across The Room

I tried throwing that book on the right, but I pulled a muscle. (image via Wikimedia)

Last night I threw a book across the room.  Actually, I threw two books across the room.  I didn’t dislike the books.  I just wanted to see what it was like to throw a book across the room.  I had never done it before.  There are lot of things I’ve never done before (and I probably won’t get to do a lot of stuff that I’d like to do), but I figured I could at least throw a book across the room.

The only reason I thought of throwing a book across the room is because a couple commenters on Dysfunctional Literacy have said they’ve done it when they didn’t like the books they were reading. It seems strange to throw a book across the room just because you don’t like it.  If I don’t like a book, I just give it to somebody I don’t care for.  But maybe that’s wrong, so I decided to try throwing a book across the room.

The first book I threw across the room was a thin paperback copy of World War Z by Max Brooks.  I read it a few months ago.  It was okay.  That’s my book review, it was okay.  My book reviews have gotten lazy recently, but at least I finished reading the book, which I don’t do often anymore.  There’s no resale value in a paperback copy of World War Z, so it was a good copy to throw.  The problem was that I have a ceiling fan in the room so I couldn’t put my full arm strength into my throw, and I throw like a girl, and the pages spread out when I threw the book, so the book didn’t go quite as far as I had hoped.  I was aiming for an ottoman on the other side of the room, but it didn’t quite get there.  It fell to the floor and scared my dog, who really wasn’t close enough to be scared.  Maybe I should get a new dog, but I’m not going to throw my dog across the room.

The second book I threw was a hardback copy of The Columbia History of the World.  I bought it decades ago when I was trying to pass myself off as an intellectual.  Every once in a while, I would read a section, especially when a long historical fiction novel became popular.  For example, every time Colleen McCullough wrote a new Rome book, I’d read about Rome in The Columbia History of the World and save a lot of time.

I haven’t read The Columbia History of the World in years, and it’s still in pretty good shape, so I knew it could take a good throw.  I really had to be careful with the ceiling fan this time.  The Columbia History of the World could take out the ceiling fan, even with one of my girlie throws.  This heavier book led to a more accurate throw, and I actually hit the ottoman, but The Columbia History of the World bounced/rolled off and hit the floor.  This time the dog barked, and my wife asked (yelled) from upstairs what was going on.  I told her I was throwing books across the room, and she told me (nicely) to stop.

I’d kind of like to throw an unabridged copy of The Oxford Dictionary or even an unabridged Merriam-Webster, but I’d need two hands to throw it, and I’d probably hurt myself.  Still, it would be entertaining.  Since I don’t have my own copy, I’d have to use the library’s, and I’d probably get kicked out of the library for throwing an unabridged dictionary.  The library would rather have a homeless guy talking to himself than a guy who throws unabridged dictionaries.  The library would rather have guys who watch porn on library computers than a guy who throws an unabridged dictionary.  It’s a safety issue.  Nobody has ever been hurt by guys who watch porn on public library computers.  The noise of an unabridged dictionary hitting the floor is probably pretty loud too.  Librarians don’t like loud noises.

Now that I read (or read samples of) a lot of books on my phone, it’s really not a good idea to throw a book across the room.  The paperback copy of World War Z that I threw across the room was less than 10 bucks.  My phone cost a bit more than that.  I’ve been tempted to throw my phone across the room a couple times, but never because of the book that I’m reading on it.

Now I don’t throw books across the room anymore.  But at least I’ve done it.  The next time I feel disappointed in a book, I will NOT throw it across the room.  Some people talk about throwing something at the television when they get mad at it.  Maybe I’ll try that next.  But if I throw anything at my television set, it won’t be a book.