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6 Reasons Why Football is the Best Sport Ever!

September 8, 2013
English: Houston Texans cheerleaders at an eve...

Cheerleaders might be a great reason to watch football, but they don’t make the top six list! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The same thing happens every autumn.  Football season begins, and my intellectual friends wonder why I spend so much time watching it instead of reading books and writing schlock.  I don’t wear face paint or get into drunken brawls, but I’ll flip channels and go split-screen to watch several games at once, and I’ll yell and curse even though I’m usually a quiet guy.  This puzzles my intellectual friends.  I’m supposed to be a smart guy (I think I still have most of them fooled), yet during football season, I don’t always show it.

So every fall, instead of hiding my love for football, I defend it by trying to explain what makes (American) football so awesome.  At first, it was difficult to explain.  I couldn’t find the words except for “It’s… uh… I … err… must watch!”  But over time, my vocabulary and sentence structure have improved, and I have thought out the six reasons that make football the best sport ever!

1.  Most football games are played on the weekend.

A lot of sporting events are played on week nights, and that can be tough on potential viewers/spectators.  Most football games are played on Saturdays (college) or Sundays (NFL), making it very easy for most potential viewers/spectators.  Fans can get sloppy drunk on a Saturday night (or Sunday afternoon) and still be fine on Monday morning (or Monday afternoon).

That’s very thoughtful of football.

2.  Almost every game is meaningful.

This explains why football fans get really obsessed.  Teams only play one game a week for a few months out of the entire year.  College football teams play a 12 game season.  NFL teams play a 16 game season (only eight home games).  That means each game is important, and each game can be turned into a major event.  For football fans, every weekend from September to February is a holiday weekend.

Unfortunately for football fans, some actual holidays don’t feel like holidays because there isn’t a football game on.

3.  The football isn’t round.

Most sports require a round ball, but the football has a weird shape.  This might not seem important, but it makes football unpredictable in ways that other sports aren’t.  The football can be thrown with a beautiful spiral that can be accurate even in a fierce wind.  The football, however, bounces or rolls in an ugly unpredictable way when it’s dropped or fumbled.

I love watching Tom Brady (or Aaron Rodgers or any other quarterback) throw a 50 yard touchdown pass.  I also love watching Tom Brady (or any other quarterback) chase a fumbled football that keeps bouncing in different directions.  Everybody looks funny while chasing a rolling bouncing football, even Tom Brady.

4.  Football requires more sets of skills than any other sport.

A successful football team needs a bunch of big lugs on the (offensive and defensive) line, some strong fast athletes at the skill positions, and then a couple really smart guys (hopefully the coaches and quarterbacks) to run everything.  This means that there is an element of the game to appeal to every kind of sports fan.

* If you like violence, then you can watch the skill position guys get tackled or the linemen pound each other.

* If you like speed, you can watch the receivers getting open or the running backs flying through the holes in the line.

* If you like strategy, you can analyze the play calling.

No other sport requires so many different skill sets, and all must work together for a football team to be successful.

Football is like the United States.  In order for the United States to function and prosper, people of all religions, races, genders (and any other demographic groups that I can’t think of off hand) must share a common set of values (I’m not getting into what those values are or should be).  For a football team to succeed, athletes of various talents, sizes, and strengths must work together in a way that no other team sport requires.  Football is a unique sport for a unique country.

USA!  USA!  USA!

5.  Football has the best music!

Football music is rousing and can motivate me to do anything (except exercise).  If I’m having a rough morning, I can turn on NFL Network before I leave home, hear a few notes of football music that get stuck in my head, and I can walk into work in slow motion with my chin held high.  Nobody messes with a guy who walks into work in slow motion (though some people will call the cops).

6.  I can read during a football game.

This reason doesn’t appeal to many football fans, and I’ll never admit this outside of Dysfunctional Literacy.  Football is the one major sport where I can read a book and still keep up with the game.  If I try to read during any other sporting event, I’ll stop paying attention to the game (which isn’t necessarily bad).

There’s about a 20-30 second time period between each play during a football game, and that’s enough time for me to read a little bit and then glance back up in time to catch the next play.  If the book is really good, I may miss a few plays, but I can always rewind.  If the game is really good, I may get stuck on the same page for a couple hours, but that’s okay too.

Reading a book is best done at home.  As socially awkward as I may be, I have never taken a book to a football game.  Even I know that is a bad idea.  However, with today’s technology, I can read a book on my phone (or other device) and everybody around me assumes I’m either checking scores or watching porn, and everybody at the game is fine with that.

*****

Now that football season has begun, all is good with the world (not really, but it feels that way).  No matter how busy my work week gets, or how many family situations I have to deal with, no matter how frustrating my writing gets, I know that on the weekends, I can turn to football.  Thank you, football, for being the best sport ever!

*****

These two books below have almost nothing to do with football, except I think I wrote both of them during different football seasons.

Now available on the Amazon Kindle!                  Now available on Amazon!

Now only 99 cents each on the Amazon Kindle!

 

From → Dysfunctileaks

13 Comments
  1. Football is one of those things I enjoy watching but will never watch on my own. I have to be at someone else’s house where it happens to be on. Actually that’s true with most sports. Football and baseball are both good for being able to read during them since they are sufficiently slow in parts.

  2. I understand your reasons, but I don’t enjoy the game itself – too much violence, too many breaks.

  3. TaraBara permalink

    Reason 7 – youth football! I love watching my 13 year old play, and Sunday afternoon football with all the family rooting for different teams is a time where the boys like explaining finer points of the game, hubby likes to make bets with the kids, and it’s just a great time for family bonding over a common interest! 🙂

  4. sebas permalink

    i clicked on here thinking i was gonna see reasons for the real “football” or for its other name thats gay “soccer” but instead i got these bs reasons for why american throw ball is good

    • I understand your disappointment, but you probably should have known this wasn’t going to be about the sport otherwise known as soccer. The title said “Best Sport Ever!”

      • soccer is the best sport and those were some shitty reasons and soccer is so much better and the fact that soccer athletes are so much better most of the world likes soccer only a country likes football also why is it call football thats what soccer real name is not soccer

  5. I love me some football!! I agree with you on all points, and I definitely agree with the football music. I don’t mean country music or Super Bowl Halftime shows, It’s the soundtrack music they play on those NFL Films productions. So majestic! So powerful! It can even make Sweetness sweeter. I should set my alarm clock to play that music to get me pumped up even on a Monday morning. Or maybe I mean Tuesday morning since I at least have Monday Night Football to look forward to 🙂

    • I’d love to have an NFL Film’s soundtrack in the background of my life, and I’d also like to have Steve Sabol’s voice (instead of my own monotone voice).

      Man, with Steve Sabol’s voice and then an NFL soundtrack backing me up… I’d be unstoppable! Any body would be unstoppable with Steve Sabol’s voice and an NFL Films soundtrack!

  6. soccer is the best sport in the world and those were really shitty reasons

  7. claire permalink

    i love sitting with the marching band and watching football i love our football players bc they support us marching band is just as hard as football. btw marching band is a sport

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. The Top Ten Reasons Football Is The Best Sport in America
  2. I Just Quit Watching the NFL | Dysfunctional Literacy

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