I Am J.K. Rowling!
This would have been a great weekend for Robert Galbraith if he really existed. One day he was an author of an obscure novel (called The Cuckoo’s Calling) that nobody had bought, and the next day J.K. Rowling (author of the Harry Potter books) said that she was Robert Galbraith.
In other words, Robert Galbraith is really J.K. Rowling’s new pseudonym.
Robert Galbraith’s book sales are really going to skyrocket now! Every struggling writer wishes J.K. Rowling would say that she is him (or he) or her (or she). I wish J.K. Rowling would use me as her next pseudonym. That would be a better gig than co-authoring a book with James Patterson or Janet Evanovich.
J.K. Rowling already has taken one male pen name, so she might not want mine, but I’m an American (I’m guessing Robert Galbraith is not American). Having an American pseudonym opens her up to the vast market that is the United States. Except we Americans don’t read that much. And she’s already huge in the United States. Still, it would be a nice gesture to the United States.
It’s not unusual for great authors to have pen names. Mark Twain had Samuel Clemens (or the other way around). Stephen King had Richard Bachman (or the other way around). And now J.K. Rowling has Robert Galbraith (or the other way around). If she takes my name as her next pseudonym, she would have three identities as an author, and that’s almost unprecedented. Readers would never stop talking about her.
J.K. Rowling being me would also help my media presence. Nobody knows what I look like, and there’s a reason for that. I have a face for radio, but unfortunately I didn’t get the voice for radio, so I write instead (but not for radio). Almost everybody knows what J.K. Rowling looks like. Even I know what she looks like, and I only know what three fiction authors look like: Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and James Patterson, and I only know what James Patterson looks like because of those creepy commercials where he’s pitching his books to reluctant readers. He should have asked J.K. Rowling to do that for him.
J.K. Rowling is attractive and well-spoken and could do my interviews for me while saying she is me (or saying she is I… I guess I’d better figure that out before she takes my name as her next pseudonym). I’d kind of like to do all the interviews, but I’m not photogenic and I get nervous so I might dry heave on camera. Nothing kills a literary career like dry heaving on camera. It might momentarily boost book sales, but in the long term, it’s a literary killer.
I know that there is little chance of J.K. Rowling discovering me, so I’m going to take some liberties and announce that I am J.K. Rowling without her permission. But I think that’s okay because there is a little bit of J.K. Rowling in all of us. J.K. Rowling has made that struggle from unknown to icon. Most of us writers struggle through that process, and almost none of us will succeed. J.K. Rowling represents what we want to become, so I shall proclaim (metaphorically) from the rooftops:
I am J.K. Rowling!
You are J.K. Rowling!
We are all J.K. Rowling!
And most importantly… I hope J.K. Rowling’s lawyers don’t come after me for saying that I’m J.K. Rowling!
- J.K. Rowling Revealed as Secret Author of New Book (clixto7.com)