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Should I Pay $5,000 to Get a Part in James Franco’s Palo Alto Movie?

June 19, 2013
English: James Franco discussing the film Milk...

Even James Franco would probably say the answer is “No.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Until a couple days ago, I didn’t know that James Franco wrote books.  I just thought he was a nice looking actor who starred in Spider-Man and Oz movies.  But now he wants to crowd source one of his books (a short story collection titled Palo Alto) into several movies. 

If James Franco can get $500,000 in the next 30 days (I don’t know when the 30 days started), he can start production.  I kind of understand why James Franco has to get $500,000 from other people (it’s explained here and here if you really want to know), but I’m not foolish enough to question James Franco.  He’s James Franco. 

Contributors who give $5,000 can get a speaking part (probably just one line) in one of the movies.  That’s an intriguing idea.  I’d like to have a speaking role in a James Franco Palo Alto movie.  I’m not really a James Franco fan, but it would be kind of neat to have a speaking part in one of his movies, even if the movie sucks (which is a possibility). 

I might not fit into a James Franco Palo Alto movie though.  Most of his characters (from the parts I’ve read) are high school students, and I was a high school student in 1980 (James Franco was two at the time, and I hadn’t heard of him yet).  Plus, I have a monotone voice.  I could probably put the audience to sleep with my one line.  I’d at least make them yawn.  I could be the guy that made people fall asleep in a James Franco Palo Alto movie.  I’m not sure that would be something to brag about. 

The other problem is I don’t have $5,000 (I do have $5,000, but there’s no way that my wife will let me spend it on this, unless she gets the speaking part, but she’s already been fondled by one celebrity, so I definitely don’t want James Franco getting anywhere near her). 

But there’s a solution to this.  If James Franco can crowd source his movie, I want to crowd source my speaking part in his movie.  I would set up a Paypal button, but that would make me a hypocrite because when kids stand on the street asking for donations (usually for their football or baseball teams), I say no because they’re not really working for their donations.  If they’re washing cars or selling cookies, I’ll gladly donate (if I’m in a good mood). 

So if you’d like to donate to my crowd sourcing speaking part, just buy a copy of my ebook  Having a Few and Getting Some on the Amazon Kindle.  That way you actually get something for your donation (and I don’t like washing cars or selling cookies).  If I can sell 10,000 copies in 30 days (again, I don’t know when the 30 days started), then I’ll give $5,000 to James Franco’s movie, and I can have a speaking part in a movie that might (suck or) never get made. 

And you can be proud (or ashamed) of making a contribution to James Franco’s latest creative endeavor. 

*****

Palo Alto by James Franco 

A Book Review 

If you think of this book as an elaborate practical joke, you might appreciate it.  I think struggling writers (by that I mean writers who are struggling to get published) will (or already do) hate this book and resent that it got published by Simon & Schuster at all.  I was feeling those emotions myself, but when I started thinking of it as a practical joke (on whom, I’m not sure), it was kind of entertaining. 

After all, practical jokes are more entertaining when you’re in on the joke instead of being the victim.  Now that I’m pretty sure this “James Franco-author ” thing is a practical joke, I kind of enjoy it. 

James Franco (or whoever is playing the joke on James Franco, if that’s what’s going on) needs to be careful about these Palo Alto movies though.  What works as a book doesn’t always work as a movie.  Then again, sometimes what doesn’t work as a book does work as a movie.  But it probably won’t work if I have a speaking part.

8 Comments
  1. James Franco is a self-aggrandizing nut-job. Hold out for a remake of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and you could get the teacher part. “Anyone. Anyone. Anyone.” 🙂

  2. Good luck with that one. 😛

  3. I can’t concentrate. He is too attractive.He went to columbia also like myself. I heard he was nice…but maybe he is really just a self-important douche like most celebs?

    • I agree, he’s handsome, and he’s maybe a nice guy, but if you read his book, look at his artwork, and watch his Oscar hosting performance, it feels like it’s all part of a practical joke.

  4. That’s certainly one of the best “Reason To Buy My Book” pitches I’ve ever heard.

    I think you might have a better chance of selling 10,000 copies of your book (in 30 days) if there were lots of sex and angst-y teenage vampires in it…. 🙂 Maybe you could do a quick re-write…

    • I was going to say “It’s for the children,” but my ebook title doesn’t quite fit the pitch. Then again, the proceeds from James Franco’s movies will kind of go to the children (or artists who work with children), and these Palo Alto movies will be extremely inappropriate for kids, so maybe I’m not too far off.

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