Her Shady Past- A Public Education Joke
It’s been a couple months since I’ve written a (hopefully) original joke, so I’d better add some context to this.
When I was a kid, I don’t remember hearing about any teachers ever getting fired. If it happened, it must have been done secretly because I never heard any rumors or speculation. Old teachers left, and new teachers showed up, but we never wondered what happened to the previous year’s teachers or why they left.
Now it seems like once a year or so, some teacher gets fired for being a porn star before becoming a teacher. If that had happened when I was a kid, we probably wouldn’t have heard about that either because people just didn’t talk about that kind of thing publically.
I’m not sure how (or why) a porn star or starlet would want to make the transition from adult films to public education, but I guess it happens. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be in the news.
A (kind of) young female teacher was stressed out at the end of a rough day. Students had misbehaved. Parents were calling and complaining, wondering why their children were failing. Hours and hours of paperwork had to be filled out. There wasn’t enough coffee or caffeine to get through everything. And this was just the first day of school!
After the last of the after-school meetings, the (kind of) old male principal called the young female teacher into his office and sat her down.
“There’s no easy way to say this,” the principal said. “It has come to my attention that before you started teaching, you performed in some… uh… adult films.”
“What?” the female teacher said, surprised. “How did you find out about that?”
“I found it while I… uh…I mean… uh… an anonymous source called the school and informed me, and I just confirmed it myself. Is this you?” The principal handed his smart phone to the female teacher.
“You don’t have to show me,” the teacher answered, not looking at the screen. “I admit, before I became an educator, I made some mistakes.”
“I could perhaps overlook your past indiscretions,” the principal said cautiously, “if you were willing to perform certain… services…. for me.”
Oh no, the (kind of) young female teacher thought. “And what… services… do you have in mind?” she asked, even though she already had an idea.
The principal leered. “I need you to do bus ramp duty every morning an hour before school and an hour after school every day.”
“What?” the young teacher said, imagining sweltering afternoons in the fall and freezing mornings in the winter.
“I need you to monitor the cafeteria during your lunch every day,” the principal continued.
“How could you?” the teacher asked, with visions of food fights and hundreds of kids chewing with their mouths open.
“And, I need you to use your planning period to cover our in-house suspension room,” the principal grinned.
The young teacher pictured dozens of students cursing and throwing stuff at her. She had heard enough.
“That’s it! I’m going back to adult movies,” she said, indignant. “At least in porn, they treat me like a professional.”