Best Technology Jokes Ever!

Show some respect! This was once state-of-the-art technology. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, but it doesn’t always work out that way.  Technology changes so quickly that anything we learn will be outdated in a couple years.  Back in the old days, when we learned something new, it stayed relevant for a decade or two. 

A Best Technology Joke Ever is an anecdote that makes fun of the changes in our lives because of technology without getting too technical.  You don’t have to be an expert on the latest gadgets to appreciate a Best Technology Joke Ever!  The following anecdotes might not be the funniest technology jokes ever, but since anybody can understand them, these are some of the Best Technology Jokes Ever!

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GOD GETS ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK AND TWITTER

It was the new millennium, and as God looked over humanity, He was again saddened and disappointed by what He saw.  Humans had developed almost miraculous technology and yet were misusing it for their base desires.  Men used technology for porn.  Women used the technology for gossip.  Criminals used the technology to help themselves steal and murder.  Very little productive was being done with these wonderful tools that God had allowed/helped humans to discover. 

And so God decided to step in. 

First, God created an account on Facebook and friended everybody.  When He was rejected by most Facebook users, God was stunned. 

“Who would dare not to friend God?” God asked with indignation, tempted to set the world on fire. 

But instead, God upgraded His Facebook page. 

He put up photos of Adam and Eve with the apple, Moses parting the Red Sea, and Jesus walking on water.  These pictures created a huge stir on the internet, as image experts closely examined the pictures for signs of image editing or anachronisms (God had made Moses take off his watch), but the photos were authentic, and people throughout the world began to believe that this particular Facebook page truly belonged to God. 

And soon God had more friends than anybody else on Facebook, and God was happy. 

Next, God went on Twitter.  It was sometimes difficult to keep His good word to 140 characters, but He was God and the Twitter technology showed remarkable flexibility when God wrote too much.  God used Twitter to shame individuals of their sins.  He publically warned men (and women) not to cheat, not to watch porn (at least not at work), not to discuss politics where food was being served, and of course not to steal, murder, and the usual stuff. 

Humans did not stop committing acts of sin, but the number of acts of sin decreased greatly. 

Atheists, however, refused to believe that this was the work of God.  It had to be a hacker with enough resources to check individual internet usage and deduce who was sinning and how.  No amount of evidence was enough to prove to them that God existed and had gotten addicted to Facebook and Twitter. 

“Prove that you’re God,” the skeptics demanded to God.  “Perform a miracle for us.” 

“Is nothing enough for you?” God scoffed.  “I have just used Facebook and Twitter in a positive way to do good in the world. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is.”

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TECHNOLOGY AND PERFECT ATTENDANCE

A corporate manager made a grand announcement to his department during a (mandatory) working lunch.

“I’ve got great news,” the department manager said to his employees.  “For the first time in the history of this corporation, a division has had perfect attendance for the entire year.  And that’s us!” 

There was much cheering and high-fiving from the employees. 

A cynical employee muttered to his co-worker, “I bet you there’s a ‘but’ after this.” 

“As proud as I am of this department,” the manager continued, “I think we can do even better.” 

“That counts as a ‘but’ to me,” said the cynical employee. 

“Our department is undergoing a couple changes that will make us even more efficient,” the manager declared. 

“I bet none of the changes will be a raise in our salaries,” said the cynical employee. 

“This department has just purchased new software that will make us even more productive,” announced the manager. 

“More boring training sessions and a lot more additional paperwork,” muttered the cynical employee. 

“And unfortunately,” announced the manager, “a new firewall has been added so that none of you can access any social networking sites or any… other… um… adult… um… sites… on your office computers.” 

There was an audible groan, but nobody argued. 

“There goes our perfect attendance,” the cynical employee said.  “The only reason we come to work every day was for the Facebook and free porn.” 

*****

COP BUSTS TEXTING DRIVER 

Several states had made text messaging while driving a crime, so a police officer who needed to meet his quota sat in his squad car on a busy street watching for violators.  He noticed an SUV speeding with a bunch of screaming teenagers jumping up and down without seat belts on in the back seat while the driver was texting with one hand on the steering wheel. 

After he had pulled her over, the police officer said, “Ma’am, you were speeding.  You have several kids in the back jumping and screaming without seat belts on.  Why in the world were you texting at a time like this?” 

“They couldn’t hear me yelling at them,” the driver said, exasperated. “So I was texting them to sit down and shut up.”