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High School Kid Uses Twitter Writing Skills to get Porn Star Prom Date!

March 24, 2012

 

Photograph of interior of unidentified buildin...

Enjoy the moment, because you're about to be upstaged by a porn star! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is the perfect story for Dysfunctional Literacy because I don’t think you can find three things more dysfunctional than Twitter, prom, and porn. 

Twitter is dysfunctional because people who don’t know how to write are trying to communicate with 140 characters or less.  Prom is dysfunctional because it’s a formal event where kids who normally don’t have dates are expected to have dates.  And porn is dysfunctional because it’s porn. 

*****

So there’s some high school kid (whose name I won’t use, even though it does sound like a porn name, which makes me wonder if this story is an early April Fool’s hoax) who managed to get a porn star to go to prom with him by sending out a bunch of Twitter invitations.  I had never heard of this Megan Piper, but now I have to look her up, just out of curiosity (which might be why she accepted the invitation). 

It makes sense.  If Mila Kunis or Justin Timberlake can escort marines to the military ball, why can’t a porn star take a high school kid to prom? 

Yeah, it may be a sign of the end of Western civilization, but here’s why I’m impressed.  When I was in high school, I had to work really hard to get rejected by potential prom dates. I called them on the phone and got rejected.  I talked to them at their lockers and got rejected.  I tossed pebbles at their bedroom windows and got rejected.  Yeah, I got rejected, but I earned it. 

This high school kid, instead of taking the normal venues of rejection (which I’m guessing he already did with the girls at his school) wrote his prom date invitations to porn stars on Twitter.  This is awesome!  No more embarrassing phone calls.  No more humiliating locker letdowns.  No more parents with shotguns chasing boys from their front yards.  All you do is send out a blanket invitation to porn starlets via Twitter, and there’s nothing to lose. 

Just because I said this is a cool idea doesn’t mean this is a good idea. 

There’s a lot of bad judgment that goes into a situation like this.  I don’t blame the high school kid because a high school kid is supposed to have bad judgment. 

I don’t even blame the porn star all that much.  Yeah, she’s an adult (at least the porn industry better hope she’s an adult), but porn stars are known for having bad judgment; otherwise they wouldn’t be porn stars.  So I let her off the hook. 

I don’t blame Twitter because stupid stuff is supposed to happen on Twitter, and this is pretty stupid. 

I don’t blame the school because they told the high school kid that he can’t bring a porn star to prom, which is pretty much what a school should do. 

I don’t blame the parents because that’s the easy thing to do, and I hate taking the easy way out. 

Since I really should blame the parents but won’t, there’s pretty much nobody else to blame, so I’m going to ride this one out and see if the date actually happens. 

Even though this might be the end of Western civilization, a part of me is jealous.  When I was 18, we didn’t have internet porn because we didn’t have the internet.  We had just gotten video cassette recorders and hadn’t yet figured out that we could rent porn with them.  The only other place to see porn was at a… ugh, it’s too disgusting to even talk about. 

Let’s just say that I’d rather go porn-less than do what had to be done to see porn back then. 

When I was in high school, I didn’t have Twitter, I couldn’t watch internet porn, and I couldn’t get a date to prom.  Yeah, part of me is jealous of that high school kid who got a porn star date to prom, but I think in the long run, I’m probably better off.

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