“And the Winner Goes to…!” An Oscars Joke

Sorry guys, but back then starlets didn’t have wardrobe malfunctions. Image via Wikipedia

The Oscar Academy Awards ceremony had just begun, and two presenters, a handsome actor and a beautiful young starlet, were about to go on stage.  The starlet was a bit upset that she hadn’t been nominated that year and was thinking of some way to stand out from all the other presenters that evening. 

“Maybe I should say something spontaneous,” she said.  “Like ‘I love my life!’ right before I read the winner’s name.” 

“You have to be a Hollywood fixture to get away with that,” the actor said.  “And the winner is not a ‘winner.’  The winner is ‘an Oscar recipient.’” 

“Maybe I could have a wardrobe malfunction on stage,” the actress suggested. 

“As much as I would enjoy that,” the actor replied, “I’m afraid you would be sharing time with several other actresses who will try the same thing.” 

Getting frustrated, the actress said, “Maybe I should just flip off the audience.” 

“You’re very beautiful and talented,” the actor said (to the starlet, not to himself).  “Just smile and read your lines, and your career will be just fine.” 

As the actor and starlet strode confidently on stage, the starlet stumbled and fell flat on her face with a loud thud.  The actor wasn’t sure what to do. 

While others attended to the starlet, the actor kept the charming smile on his face, walked up to the microphone and said, “I’d heard rumors that she had fallen for me, and now I guess she really has.” 

The audience giggled nervously, but after the ceremony the actor heard that the actress had suffered several broken bones from the fall. 

Mortified, the actor rushed to the hospital to see the starlet, who was sedated but still lucid. 

“I’m so sorry,” the actor said.  “When you fell, I was going to catch you, but I thought you might get mad because you wanted the attention from falling, but now that I know it was an accident, I feel horrible.  I really let you down.  I feel like such a horrible person!” 

“This is what I hate about Hollywood actors,” the starlet said.  “You always think everything’s about you.”