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What a Scam!- A Valentine’s Day Joke

January 23, 2012
Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

An old fashioned card/ and a cheesy love letter/are the two things you need/ to make Valentines Day better! Image via Wikipedia

Valentine’s Day was approaching, and there was this guy who was in a quandary because he was whipped over his cute girlfriend, but at the same time he hated Valentine’s Day.  

“Valentine’s Day is a scam,” the whipped guy said to one of his buddies.  “The greetings card companies manufactured this holiday just to get suckers like me to spend money on cards and useless gifts.” 

“That’s the good thing about not having a girlfriend,” his buddy said.  “At least I don’t have to worry about Valentine’s Day.” 

The whipped guy decided he’d rather worry about Valentine’s Day than be single.  But as the day got closer, his cute girlfriend suggested that Valentine’s Day was meaningless. 

“I know guys think Valentine’s Day is silly,” the cute girlfriend said.  “So you don’t need to get me anything.” 

Oh no, I’m not falling for that, the guy thought.  He had already learned the hard way years ago what happened when you didn’t buy a girlfriend anything for Valentine’s Day.  But when he went to the greeting card store, he got more and more furious at the idea of his hard earned money going to a greeting card company. 

Fed up, the whipped guy went home, got on his computer, wrote his own cheesy love poem, copy/pasted some cool graphics (he probably broke a few copy write laws doing that), and printed it off on high quality paper.  As a security measure, he also bought her some expensive jewelry. 

When the cute girlfriend opened the card and read the cheesy love poem, she broke down in tears.  “Nobody has ever written anything like this to me before,” she said, throwing herself into his arms.  “I love you,” she whispered. 

And the whipped guy finally got lucky.  In fact, that night was the luckiest night the guy ever had.  He thanked his lucky stars that night and even saw stars (in a good way) a few times. 

The next morning he decided that having a cute girlfriend in love with him was pretty cool, and so he began making his own greeting cards for new occasions.  He made a card for the Day After Valentine’s Day with another cheesy love poem, and he got lucky again that night after he presented it to his girlfriend.  

The guy then started planning ahead.  He made a card for their one-week anniversary after Valentine’s Day.  He made a card for Leap Day.  He made one for the first day of spring.  He made a love card for April Anti-Fool’s Day (where he would again declare his love for her but it wouldn’t be a joke).  He made one for each day of his girlfriend’s birthday month.  

When the guy’s buddy discovered the stack of new homemade greeting cards, he was disgusted by the whipped guy’s behavior.  “You whipped pup,” his buddy said.  “You used to hate Valentine’s Day, and now you’re making up your own fake holidays?” 

“I finally figured it out.  Valentine’s Day isn’t a scam to make greeting card companies rich,” the guy said.  “Valentine’s Day is a scam to help whipped guys like me get lucky.”

From → Jokes/Generic

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