LeBron James Saves Dirk Nowitzki’s Life, Then Chokes
LeBron James was dining with his girlfriend at a fine restaurant when Dirk Nowitzki showed up with his entourage. It was a slightly uncomfortable moment, but both superstars nodded acknowledgements to each other and went about their business peacefully.
Dirk was seated across the restaurant facing LeBron, and as they were eating, LeBron noticed that Nowitzki was making a face at him. Puzzled at first, LeBron watched as Dirk clutched his throat, strained his face, and even stuck his tongue out a bit.
The crowd laughed, and LeBron was a bit miffed. Yeah, he had made fun of Dirk’s alleged illness during the Finals, but that was at the arena and not in public after the season was over. LeBron tried to ignore the taunting, but Dirk’s entourage was laughing quite loudly, and the crowd in the restaurant was noticing his antics. Dirk then stood, hands clutching throat, his body shaking violently, and the crowd howled in derision at LeBron. Even LeBron’s girlfriend had a tough time controlling her amusement.
Finally, LeBron had had enough. He was tired of these lame LeBron James jokes. All he had heard since mid-season was “LeBron James chokes, Lebron James chokes, Lebron James chokes.” There is only so far that you can push a man before he breaks, so LeBron stood, strode across the restaurant to Dirk’s table, and punched him full in the stomach.
Dirk doubled over as a piece of meat flew across the room. Dirk gasped and announced to everybody that LeBron had just saved his life! LeBron was suddenly recognized as a hero. While everybody else had stood and watched Dirk nearly choke to death, only LeBron had had the presence of mind to use an unusual Heimlich method to dislodge the hunk of meat from Dirk’s throat. LeBron was once again king, and much of the national negativity against him dissipated. Times were good.
The NBA season started again. The Miami Heat were in a close game in the 4th quarter. Lebron took an ill-advised jumper, and the ball clanked off the rim. The home crowd booed, and as LeBron turned around, his teammate Dwayne Wade hit him full in the stomach. The crowd cheered as LeBron doubled over, the wind knocked out of him.
When LeBron regained his breath, he rushed Dwayne Wade, but the other Heat players got between them, and after everybody calmed down, LeBron asked Dwayne, “What did you do that for?”
Dwayne Wade said, “To make sure you don’t choke.”
UPDATE- June 25, 2012
Sigh! I guess I’m going to have to think of a new LeBron James joke since he probably won’t be known as a choker anymore.