President Obama Plays Golf with God

It had been a rough few weeks for President Obama.  The economy was bad.  Unemployment was high.  Every other week there was a new military action.  The national debt was rising at an insurmountable rate.  The First Lady was giving him grief about his smoking and eating habits.  President Obama, however, was a deep sleeper, and one night God came down from Heaven to visit Obama in his dream. 

“Hello, my son,” God said (because we are all God’s children, not because President Obama is the … Aw, never mind).  “Once during every president’s term, I come down from Heaven to give one piece of advice.  In this way, I show my love for the United States because this country is truly dear to my heart.” 

“Uh, I appreciate your intent, God, but, let me be clear, I am trying to sleep,” President Obama said, confused by this conversation with God. 

“Every president has accepted my advice, even President Bush,” God said.  “You would be wise to ask me one question and follow my advice carefully. 

President Obama was puzzled.  “So a few years ago when George Bush said he spoke with you, he was telling the truth.” 

“Yes,” God said.  “It is wise to follow my advice, but it is also sometimes prudent not to announce that you are following my advice.” 

“Very well, then.  I shall ask you for advice,” President Obama said, thinking.  “How can I improve my golf game?” 

“What?” God responded with incredulity.  “With all the problems that the United States has right now, you have the audacity to ask me about your golf game?” 

“Let me be frank,” President Obama said.  “When you have gotten punched in the face and had your teeth knocked out, when you’ve been kicked in the testicles and hit on the head with a folding chair, it takes a little while to recover.  I’ve got this.  Now, are you going to help me with my golf game or not?” 

God watched President Obama’s swing and gave a few pointers, but Obama’s golf ball still ended up in the sandpits or knocked birds out of the sky (that always amused God but only in dreams because the birds weren’t real and didn’t actually get hurt).  Finally, though, God had seen enough. 

“Are you certain that you want to use my wisdom to improve your golf game?” God asked. 

“Yes,” President Obama said with confidence in his voice.  “Please tell me how I may improve my golf game.” 

“Cheat better,” God said, and then disappeared. 

“That was odd,” President Obama said when he woke up.  He turned to his wife Michelle and explained how he had spoken with God in his dream.  When he told her about getting advice about golf, Michelle became upset. 

“With all that’s going on right now, you ask him to improve your golf game?” the First Lady said.  “That was incredibly selfish of you.” 

“What should I have requested?” Obama asked, genuinely surprised at his wife’s reaction. 

The First Lady said, “You should have asked him where we should go on vacation this summer.”