“Real Men Don’t Read Bestsellers.”
“Real men don’t read bestsellers,” a young guy said to his female friend at the local Brick & Mortar Booksellers.
I don’t know if the two youngsters were going out or if they were married or if they were just friends (just friends… haha). I didn’t look that closely. Once I decided to eavesdrop, I made sure to stare only at the Legos magazine I was paging through in the periodical section as I braced myself for the couple’s discussion about gender specific book genres in the nearby Military/History section.
This B&M Bookseller is only ten minutes from where I live. I feel kind of lucky that I live only ten minutes from a real bookstore. Unfortunately, the closest used bookstore is 30 minutes away and has unpredictable hours. The closest GIANT used bookstore is over an hour away. That’s the biggest problem with getting away from the city. I really miss used bookstores, even though I don’t buy nearly as much as I used to.
The “real men don’t read bestsellers” conversation had all started when… I’m not sure how it started. I think I came in at the middle of the discussion. I just heard the “real men” remark and tuned in.
The rest of the conversation was kind of surprising. The girl laughed, and that was it. No speeches about toxic masculinity. No discussions about gender roles. Just a laugh. That was a cool response, I thought, she must really like him.
Even though I didn’t take the guy’s comment seriously (the woman with him didn’t, so why should I?), I took a glance at the bestsellers in fiction, and I could see why “real men” aren’t reading them. Bestsellers are expensive, especially when they come out in hardcover. It’s impractical to read a bestseller in that situation. Most “real men” would wait for the bestseller to come out in paperback. Or they could get it from the library. Buying a new bestseller is a sucker’s move, and “real men” aren’t suckers.
“Real men” read cheap nonfiction because cheap nonfiction is practical. Cheap nonfiction doesn’t cost much. Plus, you can learn something from nonfiction. Fiction is for entertainment, and there are better, more practical ways for “real men” to entertain themselves than reading fiction. Maybe reading fiction helps build empathy, and women might say that men need more empathy (“real men” don’t always pay attention when women are talking, so “real men” might not be sure what women are saying).
Empathy could be overrated, though. Empathy is a good quality, but too much of it can be harmful. Not everybody is empathetic, and in a conflict between an empathetic person and a selfish person (I think nowadays they’re referred to as ‘narcissists’), the selfish person almost always wins, unless the empathetic person also has the ability to beat the hell out of the selfish person (and not get arrested for it).
Empathy must have the possibility/probability of violence behind it in order for it not to be taken advantage of in a general low trust population. That’s why ‘good cop, bad cop’ can be so effective. Empathetic ‘good cop’ doesn’t work in every situation. Neither does authoritarian ‘bad cop.’ Put them together, and you can have law and order. Without ‘good cop,’ you have tyranny. Without ‘bad cop,’ you have chaos. Real men don’t like chaos. “Real men” might not have a problem with authoritarianism (it depends on what kind of authoritarianism it is), and that’s why the world needs a balance.
The man who made the comment had been browsing through the Military/History section of the bookstore. Of course, the “real man” would read military stuff. Men have had the historical obligation to serve in the military, and women haven’t. Why would women read about a genre that doesn’t directly affect the vast majority of them? A military history book might occasionally be a bestseller, but it usually won’t stay there long, so a “real man” goes browsing through the History section, where the book is more likely to be in paperback or at a discounted price, rather than wasting time and money in the Bestsellers section.
The “real man” doesn’t have to serve in the military, but he respects it and understands its necessity. That’s why he thinks about the Roman Empire (though that’s overstated). He’s fascinated by armies outnumbered 100-to-1 slaughtering their enemies without breaking a sweat (also overstated). He’s also fascinated by how that empire collapsed (decadence and debt) and doesn’t want to repeat that empire’s mistakes.
Spend $30 for a new bestselling book? That’s too much money for a book that will be discounted in a few months. Impulse buying is the first step (or one of them) towards economic ruin. And the “real man” protects his money.
I probably put more thought into the young guy’s “real man” comment than he did. It was just an offhand remark, and the couple moved on to other things. I’m not sure if they bought anything.
I’m not even sure he was a “real man.”
*****
Here are some other blog posts you might like:
In Defense of the Grammar Nazi
Dysfunctional Literacy 