Why Does Scott Baio Keep Showing Up In My Dreams?

How could you NOT want him to show up in your dreams?

I had a dream with Scott Baio in it last night.  It wasn’t “that” kind of dream, if you know what I mean.  I wouldn’t even call it a Scott Baio dream because I don’t remember enough to say how much Scott Baio was in it.  All I can tell you is that somebody in the dream said something funny to Scott Baio, and I woke up laughing.

I don’t know if it was a joke or an insult, but whatever it was, it was pretty funny because my wife said I laughed out loud in my sleep, and I rarely laugh out loud, even when I’m awake.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had a Scott Baio dream.  Scott Baio first appeared in one of my dreams in 1991 or 1992.  Maybe “appeared” isn’t the right word.  He was mentioned.  I clearly remember a friend of mine named Kirk in my dream saying “I always thought Scott Baio was underrated.”

That’s when I woke up, perplexed.  Why was my friend Kirk talking about Scott Baio?  Kirk was real, and I knew Kirk pretty well, and he’d never mentioned Scott Baio before.  The next time I saw Kirk, I asked him if he thought Scott Baio was underrated.  He sneered at me and said, “Scott Baio, that m***********?”

A few years later, Scott Baio invited me to a party, and I bragged to my friends that I was going to Scott Baio’s party, but I woke up before I got there.  That kind of sucked because I bet Scott Baio could throw a wild party.

A few years after that, I was cohosting a variety show with Scott Baio, and I made it on onstage and delivered my first lines without dry heaving.  Our first guest was some guy named Johnny Chode, and when I introduced him, the audience roared.  Maybe it was my delivery that got the positive reaction.

That was actually a pretty good dream.  I was a little disappointed when I woke up.  It felt good to speak in front of a large audience without dry heaving.  Thank you for that, Scott Baio.

A couple summers ago, I saw Scott Baio giving a speech at the Republican National Convention.  I turned to my wife and asked, “Am I in the middle of a Scott Baio dream?”

She said something with the word nightmare, and I went into the other room.  I don’t like political conventions, even if my buddy Scott Baio is speaking.

I don’t know why Scott Baio keeps turning up in my dreams.  I stopped watching Happy Days before he became a regular.  I never watched Joanie Loves Chachi.  The kids in Charles in Charge were annoying.  I have no connection to him that I know of.

I could understand if other famous people were in my dreams.  I’m surprised Stan Lee has never shown up.  I’ve read so many comic books that Stan Lee owes me a moment or two.  Tom Hanks, Homer Simpson, the sax player from Madness, I could understand if they showed up in my dreams from time to time.  But Scott Baio?

I believe that dreams can have meaning, but I’m not the kind of guy who can figure it out.  I can barely decipher basic poetry.  When I read “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost, I just say “Get a map.”  My wife has a theory about my Scott Baio dream, but I don’t believe I’m repressing anything.  I don’t deny that I repress stuff, but not that.  I don’t have any problem with what my wife claims I’m repressing, so I wouldn’t repress it.

This might end up being one of the great mysteries of my life.  I’m pretty sure I’ll never meet Scott Baio, and even if I did, he wouldn’t know why he’s in my dream.  Maybe I’m in Scott Baio’s dreams, and he doesn’t know who I am.  He might wake up once every few years wondering who that awkward quiet guy is, but I doubt it.  He doesn’t care who I am.   He’s probably just mad that he woke up before he could interview Johnny Chode.

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What do you think?  Am I the only one who has random Scott Baio dreams?  If not, who is your version of Scott Baio?