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Words Not To Say In Front Of My Kids

November 10, 2014
I tell my kids they can think anything they want, but there are some things they'd better not say. (image via wikimedia)

I tell my kids they can think anything they want, but there are some things they’d better not say. (image via wikimedia)

I told my daughters this morning that they’d need to take a sack lunch to school tomorrow, and they laughed at me.  I wasn’t expecting them to laugh.

It took me a moment to realize why they thought sack lunch was funny.  When I was their age (around 35 years ago), sack lunch wasn’t funny.  I carried a sack lunch to school every day, and nobody laughed.  I think I even called it a sack lunch.  Everybody called it that.  But somewhere along the way, kids picked up on the word sack, and a new source of humor was created.

Now I can’t say sack in front of my daughters; I have to say “brown paper bag.”  If I had two sons, maybe it wouldn’t matter much.  But I don’t expect girls to laugh at the term sack lunch.

I’m not sure when kids started laughing at the word sack.  I don’t remember that being on my radar when I was a kid, but I was a late bloomer, so I might have missed it.  When my history teacher talked about how the Visigoths sacked Rome, I don’t recall a bunch of girls giggling.  Then again, girls giggled at everything back then, so maybe they did and I didn’t know it.

Sack isn’t the only word that can get a laugh.  When my oldest daughter read an abridged version of The Iliad for school (a very abridged version) it said that Agamemnon wanted some of Achilles’s booty.  My daughter thought that was funny.  I explained to her that back then booty meant treasure, and she assured me that she knew that but still thought it was funny.

I never use the word booty, so I don’t have to worry about saying that in front of my daughters.

My wife blames me for my daughters’ taste in humor, but I have nothing to do with it.  My humor is more sophisticated than that.  I have a blog full of sophisticated humor to prove this.  I blame the schools.  I only say that because schools are an easy scapegoat.  If I blame cable and the internet, my wife might cancel our cable and internet, so I blame the schools.  My wife can’t cancel the schools.

I also have to be careful when we go to fast food restaurants.  If I order a #2 meal, my daughters laugh.  #2 is funny.  If I order a meal that happens to be a #2, I now have to state the full title of the meal.  It doesn’t take much effort to say “The Cheeseburger Deluxe Meal,” but the cashiers look at me funny. The cashiers probably don’t have daughters who laugh at #2.

I don’t know how “#1” and “#2” came to mean what they did.  Merriam-Webster doesn’t list number two as a word (it lists number one but not as a bodily function), so I can’t research its etymology.  I’m sure Oxford doesn’t have it either, but I haven’t looked.

I’m dreading the planets units in my daughters’ science classes because of Uranus. Uranus has been funny as long as I can remember.  Still, I feel uncomfortable at the idea of saying “Uranus” around my kids, so instead, I’ll have to say something like “that planet that is located between Saturn and Neptune.”

I have a bad memory about the word Uranus.  A friend in middle school challenged our science teacher in front of the whole class by saying, “Tell us about Uranus.”  With a straight face, the teacher lectured us about planets, stars, and alignments, and then he gave us a quiz afterward, and all of us failed it.  We told our friend to never be funny in science class again.  He might have even gotten beat up after school, but he did some other stuff to deserve it.  He was kind of a jerk.  I tell my daughters to never be funny in class.  They can be funny at home or in the cafeteria but never in the classroom.  In the classroom, being funny can have consequences.

I don’t know if Uranus is still funny, but I know that 30 minute lectures about planets, stars, and alignments are never funny.

These aren’t the only words that I can’t say in front of my daughters.

I can’t say, “Do it.”  If my daughters need to complete a task, I have to use the antecedent for “it” in the sentence.  I have to say, “Do your homework” or “Do the dishes.”  I usually say “please” to be more polite.

I can’t say “business” or “duty” either.  Whenever a new Call of Duty comes out, my daughters laugh.  They also laugh at the boys who stand in line to buy Call of Duty.  They also laugh whenever news programs announce their business segments.

My daughters don’t laugh at profanity.  In fact, when my daughters hear profanity, they don’t bat an eye.  I guess they’re used to it.  It’s not my fault.  I don’t swear around them (often).  It’s the internet and cable.  And probably the schools.  Remember, always blame the schools.  And the teachers too.

40 years ago, profanity was funny because we rarely heard the words.  Cable and internet didn’t exist, and network television was relatively safe.  I’d listen to George Carlin albums just to hear him swear.  I didn’t understand a lot of the jokes, but his swearing was funny.  It was the only place I could hear consistent swearing.  But now swearing is everywhere.  There’s nothing shocking about it, or funny either.

I could probably get away with swearing a lot in front of my daughters, but I don’t.  I don’t want them swearing in front of me, so I don’t do that in front of them.  I want them to have something to look forward to when they become adults, and swearing is a lot more fun when you weren’t allowed to do it as a kid.

“Do it.”  Haha.


But enough about me!  What words don’t you say around your kids?  Am I too sensitive about what I say in front of my children?  Am I wrong to blame the schools for my daughters’ low brow humor?  And most important, am I wrong to blame the schools for everything?

  1. Loved it, such a great post! funny how times change and the words and phrases our kids think are funny are so different!

  2. Split infinitives – for example, to never be funny – I find them hard to deal with! Sorry!

    • I read somewhere that it’s now okay to split infinitives… or maybe it was okay to end a sentence with a preposition… or maybe it was both/neither. Anyway, I read something like that, but it might not be true.

  3. I laughed way too hard at this.

    Wait, can I say “too hard”? Suddenly, I’m worried…

  4. Sigh. I feel so old.

  5. In middle school, I had an algebra teacher who, when writing on the chalkboard, would hold his chalk between his thumb and first finger, then use his middle finger to point at things on the chalkboard. We all thought that was incredibly funny. He didn’t seem to care.

  6. Damn. Talking around kids is more difficult than I thought.

  7. I’m a 28-year-old female, and I still laugh at words like “duty”, phrases such as “I do do that”, and other petty things. but then again, my beau tells me I’m secretly a 7-year-old boy. so yeah, no surprise.

    • I forgot about the double-do! That has to be added to the list. I once tried to explain how saying “do do” could be grammatically correct, but I didn’t get very far with it.

      • Uh oh. I can see I’m going to have to take up the baton here.

        “do do” is correct because the verb “do”, like a number of verbs in the English language, serves two functions. It is both a verb it its own right, and an auxilliary, which denotes tense and positivity/negativity.

        In the present simple, normally we drop the auxilliary for positive sentences: “I eat cheese.” “Do” only appears in question and negative forms: “Do you eat cheese?” “No, I don’t actually, I was lying.”

        Only when there is the question over the positivity of a statement, or when we want to stress that positivity, do we add “do” as an auxilliary into present simple, as in this argument: “you don’t eat cheese!” “yes, I DO eat cheese!” or, returning to our double-do , “you don’t do what I ask!” “Yes, I do do it.”

        Ya dig?

  8. I can relate -when sons were younger (about middle school) they started to say “frickn” – everybody knows what it stands for and I didn’t want my boys to use that word. Then I’m at school one afternoon and I over hear a couple of teachers talking and I it that word -I’m line no way. Then watch the news the anchor uses it as well so I figure I’m pretty much beat in this one. Now everyone says it doesn’t carry the same meaning like when we were kids.

    • Yeah, I think “frickin'” is okay now. I say “flippin'” or “stupid” as my replacement adjectives, and nobody seems to care. It’s kind of like saying “dagnabbit” instead of the word that rhymes with modgammit, but maybe it’s not quite as cheesy.

  9. I posted something like: Being unfaithful is never an accident. You will not trip over and find yourself suddenly inside a v****a (or something to that effect) my son unfriended me in facebook.

  10. I suppose it depends how how old your kids are. I’m now at the stage where my daughter watches what she says (sometimes) to me. eg she will use “fricking” rather than the other f- word.
    Have you noticed the differences between American and British usage? In England if you “knock someone up” you bang on their door to wake them up!
    Btw here when you take sandwiches to school it’s a “packed lunch” – a “sack” to me is a hessian bag you might use for coal.

  11. Your post cracks me up. My mom a few years ago used the phrase “shot my wad” and it STUNNED me. But she didn’t get why, because to her it meant “spent a wad of cash”… I can’t remember if I explained it to her or just said “no, you are forbidden to say this.”

    • The meaning of “shot my…”? Haha. That’s a conversation I wouldn’t want to have with my parents (or my children).

      • For clarity sake, “Shot my wad” is a very old expression and makes reference to firing a black-powder musket which used wadding. I know it no longer means that, just a bit of trivia.

    • My parents still use this expression, usually with “blew” instead of “shot” (slightly better?). Anyway, yours truly threw a “cat” in the mix a few years back and they never picked up on it. After all, cats are expensive nowdays.

    • Omg…i cant breathe. Thats hilarious!

  12. I LOVE that you want your kids to look forward to swearing. 🙂

  13. “Sack lunch” (snigger), who calls it that? I’m in my 40’s and never called it that. It’s called, Cold Lunch. Or, I guess you could say Brown Paper Bag Lunch, if that feels right. Why don’t you get your kids a lunch box and save yourself a headache?

  14. I was reading your post during class and literally had to place my hand over my mouth to keep from cracking up laughing. I immediately had to show it to my friend sitting next to me and she started laughing too! I’m studying to be a doctor and firmly believe that laughter is the best medicine so thank you for adding some laughter to my day!

    • Thank you! I appreciate you reading my blog and showing it to your friends, but… are you sure it’s a good idea to do it during class? I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble or get bad grades. I’m just trying to look out for you.

      • Haha thank you for caring but I guess I technically wasn’t checking it during class. We had a ten minute break between lectures and I read it during that lag time. Thanks for looking out for me though!

  15. This was a wonderful post. You made me laugh–thank you so much!

  16. johnberk permalink

    Great post. I have only two sons, so I don’t know about all this stuff. Boys don’t seem to be giggling on anything that seems to sound funny. Instead, they use a lot of f-words. Especially when they fight one with each other. I remember myself to behave the very same way, so I give them more space and don’t punish them for mild swearing, but they know how to make me mad sometimes. Many people would say that current young people are way worse than it was in the past, but honestly, I don’t see any difference. Alcohol, pot, girls, stupid Holywood movies (which I have to pay), etc.

  17. My son laughed at the name Mr. Cox last week. An Asian restaurant here serves a chocolate sac for dessert, and he thinks that’s funny as well. He is 11. I used to censor myself more in the past, but now he is in middle school, where they can get punished for calling each other idiots but it’s okay to talk about hand jobs, so… Other than the Hallmark Channel, all the 7pm network shows cuss constantly, so we’ve basically given up hope. Talking about changing body parts, he also used the term “erecture.” Hmmm.

    • “chocolate sac”? That could be misinterpreted in a couple different ways, and I… I… I’m not willing to go any further with it.

      • Lol @ chocolate sac!

      • This reminds me of the British dessert known as a “spotted dick,” which was made so much fun of in the movie King Ralph. I thought they were probably making this up, but then, sure enough, I noticed a can of spotted dick alongside the trifles and plum puddings in an import store!

  18. Ha! Loved it and yes it’s a tricky thing!

  19. Ben permalink

    My mother in-law made a delicious pork fish with a product called “butt rub.” My eight year old had yet to recover. He taught his two year old brother the phrase who, having no idea what the words mean, knows he can make the older kids laugh by crying out “butt rub,” at the top of his lungs. We hear it alot.

  20. Ben permalink

    That should say “pork dish.” Not “fish.”

  21. Loved this! I have a four-year-old and an 11-month-old, so this problem is still in my future. I have no doubt it will arrive pretty quickly, though, since my son loves words and word play.

  22. Reblogged this on A Bright Ray of Hope and commented:
    This made me chuckle — reminded me, in fact, of my teens, when nobody could say “Why, yes, I do do art on Tuesdays” without being subjected to uproarious laughter from me and my cohorts.

  23. i liked this. i don’t have kids but i worked with kids for 6 years. i didnt like not being able to say certain words so i subbed all curse words with funny words…Upon stubbing a toe i would yell “fruit soup” an unpleasant task became a “pain in the kazoo” “chutes and ladders” replaced shoot or its other variant. The kids found it to be either perplexing or hilarious. I still use these words in my daily life, they mean the same thing anyway. The curious looks I get from people give the words a bit more power than profanities, which everyone is desensitized to anyway.

  24. follow us and comment/like our posts please !

  25. I tutor kids at an elementary school. One of my students had been instructed to bring back a permission slip. I walked him back to his class. He asked his male teacher about the slip. Thr teacher looked at me and said, ‘Tell Kaitlyn I already put it in her box.’ It was me who snickered then. I laughed all the way home when I told Laitlyn what he’d said and she replied, ‘Oh, he put it in my box? Awesome!’

  26. Oh, the connotation that carries with words.

  27. Reblogged this on jakkcutlip.

  28. Oh, how I love this. My kids are still too young to do more than say ‘shit’ (I may have let it slip out at top volume when a Verizon truck backed up over the front of my minivan, and it stuck… both the truck and the use of the word.) But I do recall that I got kicked out of AP English in high school because I couldn’t stop laughing at a kid who kept whispering “pussyfoot” and “titmouse”, which in retrospect was probably more offensive than funny, but still, I laughed my booty off.
    Wonderful post. Congrats on FP. Now I’m off to check out the rest of your blog.

  29. We have small kids, so they are more likely to say something that will send us into a giggling fit over duel meaning than the other way around. I will have to remember to act confused as they grow into teenagers if only to force them to try to awkwardly explain the words to me.

  30. Oh how times have changed. I asked my eldest daughter what pudding aka dessert she had at school and she said rice pudding. When I asked her if they still served spotted dick she burst out laughing. As a child I used to love eating that at school. And as for ginger nut biscuits, don’t even get me started on that one *sigh*

  31. Reblogged this on K-M for kids and commented:
    I so enjoyed reading this now, especially since he says: “Remember, always blame the schools. And the teachers too.” Hehe
    I really laughed about the #1 and #2 scenarios. And I learned that “booty” meant “treasure” in previous times.
    At least his daughters are laughing… that’s always good 🙂

  32. This was hilarious!

  33. I 53:5 Project permalink

    First off, you’re not wrong for blaming the schools for everything and, I might add, you have a clever reason for doing so.

    I use the same words around my teenage daughters that they use around their friends; totes, obi, jelly…they find it oldy hilarious when a 40ish year old man says such things.

    As far as my eight year old goes, he laughs, and rolls his eyes (I can thank his sisters for that), at nearly eveything I say.

    Just the other day I said “How do you like them apples?” He’s still laughing.

  34. Pretty funny stuff here. Our 15 month old doesn’t really talk, so I’m not too worried about the language thing yet, but this morning she ripped a crazy old man fart and I’d laughed, which she loved. I should probably work on not laughing at farts if I want her to stay classy…

  35. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels as though I have to censor myself when conversing with my children…and husband for that matter. Kids will be kids and we can only shelter them for so long before the outside world eventually corrupts them. Don’t worry, I blog about all the unsophisticated conundrums that occur in our residential facility. So if you ever need to feel better about your own sack and booty from time to time, check it out-

  36. LOL, I was giggling /smiling the reading your article. How old are your kids. And yes, kinda made you feel older than you really are huh?:)

  37. I love this! Too funny! It is fun to let loose with the kids a little . words are just words. : )

  38. Haha! I also remember those sack lunches… Lol….

  39. This is hilarious! I just get snickers from my three kids for sounding like an old lady and getting phrases WRONG. FYI, it’s “hip-hop” not “hippity-hop” or “hoppity horse” and apparently I am not allowed to EVER speak about “hooking up” anything. And what’s wrong with “tapping that?” I like to beat off to the music. What?

  40. How using words keep changing with the generation, and its comes to time when you have used to say some word and the new generation will laugh at you. I hope we won’t lose our language by time.

  41. Most importantly your daughters still laugh at what you say, wait till they get older 🙂

    • Yeah, I just saw the video of President Obama pardoning the turkey and his daughters rolling their eyes, and I thought, “Better him than me.”

  42. Reblogged this on ZAINAB ALGHAMDI and commented:
    Nice post thanks for sharing. Hope we won’t lose our language by time

  43. Made me laugh, thanks. Number 1 and Number 2 are of course from the days when we raised our hands to tell our teachers we had to use the bathroom during class. Not sure why it mattered to the teacher what was going to come out of us, perhaps the amount of time we should be expected to be gone? Your daughters enjoy life; that’s all that matters. My little girl was taught in kindergarten and first grade that “stupid” was a bad word (which is really stupid since there’s so much “stupid” in the world). She has heard a lot of the f-word from her mom (she has older brothers at her other house), so it doesn’t phase her (too much) if I let the f-word slip once in a while, but when I was trying not to swear at the printer once, and let out a long stream of “stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid STUPID PRINTER!!”, she waited till I was done, then said “I’m HERE, you know.”

  44. hehehehe!! Good one. I’m only 23 but i think the world is changing faster that we think. I got my kid bro a pack of color pencils for his birthday and he hasn’t touched it till date. He plays FM at age 6. Who needs a color pencil?!

  45. haha love this ❤

  46. ardensta permalink


  47. My old science teacher used to have a weird accent or speech impediment or something that make “nickle” sound like “nipple” and we thought it was HILARIOUS. In 10th grade..

  48. I introduced my dad to potato wedges and he was super thrilled with the idea. He promptly placed an order for “those potato wedgie things” and couldn’t understand why my mom hid her face. Or why my sister and I couldn’t stop laughing. Dads.

  49. I guess my boys are a little lost in their own worlds. They don’t catch a lot of these references. They do laugh hysterically when I say fart, though. lol

  50. The sad thing is, that pretty much anything you say can either be taken out of context or be used as a euphemism for anything sexual or poop. I can’t say hardly(I said hard) anything without thinking someone is going to take it the wrong way.

  51. Thank goodness my kids aren’t old enough for this yet. But I am not looking forward to this stage.

  52. Such a funny funny post – I love it. Thanks for sharing! Brought back memories.

  53. There are so, so many words I no longer say among polite company. Of course, I can’t think of any of them right now. I’m probably feeling dull in the wake of your great post!

  54. Great post!!


  55. Nowadays, in my country, young generation distracted by sophisticated gadgets make them forgot how to communicate well and how to mingle around politely. They talked like olders with no manners. They tend to be smart as us. I am afraid my son will be like that too.

  56. Please excuse my naivety, but what’s so funny about “sack lunch”? Is there a dirty reference here that I’ve failed to pick up on? It seems your young daughters are one up on me!
    This got me thinking about Samuel Beckett’s ‘Molloy’ in which an adult depicts the work “suck” as vulgar and alluding to sex, whilst a child associates the word on a purely onomatopoeic level, where the word “suck” simply demonstrates the sucking noise of water being drained down a plug whole.
    If you haven’t already, look up Saussure’s semiotic theory of the ‘sign’, ‘signifier’ and ‘signified’. You might find it interesting!

  57. bayriandkiki permalink

    haha great post. I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl. My boys have been learning sex education at school (yep, blame the school and the teachers for sure, learning things in sex education that I don’t think are necessary). Boys will be boys and the word ‘sack’ in our house is also a big giggle fest espesically among the two boys.

  58. Reblogged this on tmgrigg.

  59. Reblogged this on M.T. Miles.

  60. I laughed, Thanks. And so true! This doesn’t just go for kids, it goes for the people I work with as well. I am a California native. I now live in Tennessee. So words are different out here and they laugh to let me know quite often.

  61. For our maths teacher, it was ‘sin C’ for ‘sine C’, ‘cos C’ for ‘cosine C’ and ‘tan C’ for ‘tangent C’. But it was ‘secant C’ for ‘secant C’ and not ‘sec C’… 😛

  62. Reblogged this on aalhendi.

  63. Hey..I m in high school n I m a science student…I hav this physics teacher who has a little language problem…n while the waves chapter was going on, he kept saying the word ‘babes’ on top of each other fr the word waves. We cudnt stop laughing over it. Its actually funny how some words can ‘do it’ n fit in the other way around.

  64. creamy29 permalink

    Reblogged this on creamy29.

  65. This is great! When I have kids, I will make sure to say “Duty” at least once a week.

  66. Uranus lol still funny !! Thanks for the laugh

  67. If you want to see the sin principle working… say Halleluja 10 000 times and arsehole once in close proximity to a kid under 4. I can guarruntee he will remember and use the second one!

  68. I don’t have kids yet, but I remember how some of the words my maternal grandmother used to say really cracked me up. Expressions like “the juice is out”, “my ankle is really barkin’ today”, or “holler if the phone rings” were rarely heard in the ’90s, so I found them all too amusing. Wish I could say there was no “lowbrow” humor involved, but how can I forget what she used to call the toilet? Ads for sales on “stools” will always bring muffled giggles between my sister a I, no matter how mature we pretend to be otherwise.

  69. Reblogged this on Linda's Blog and commented:
    Kinda like being in a foreign country, you never know what you may be referring to…

  70. This post has made my morning. My younger cousins are the exact same. I have to filter everything I say around them. Very tedious.

  71. Max permalink

    Uranus! That’s pretty amusing!
    When I was that age… I went to St.Xavier’s School, I had new friends, new teachers, and I found a peculiarity between their conversations! A boy would say,”Sir, my pen-is lost!” …and everyone laughed. As I was new, so it took me a while to understand. So, when the teacher replied, “It’s there in Uranus!” I laughed.

  72. Blame internet for such conversational blues!

  73. There are so many !

  74. Ahhh…..the evolution of words through time. Nothing makes one feel older than not keeping up with how words are used. ‘Cool’ meant something entirely different in my parents time. And ‘sweet’ did not mean something ‘cool’ in my day!

  75. That was great! Not the fact that your daughters laugh at the usage of certain words, but your post! 😛 I myself heard my parents swear a lot. Now I know what they all mean, but when I was younger, I used to be very curious and asked them their meaning. They then came with short forms. Anyway I think I can assure after a while, they will get used to it and try not to swear infront of you. Atleast that is what I have observed. 😛

  76. ecingel permalink

    Reblogged this on Freak Thoughts.

  77. lol so funny(jk)

  78. dhriou permalink

    How about things you can’t tell your kids not to do? My daughters, aged 10 and 15 were singing along to “Afternoon Delight” the other day. How could I say they shouldn’t like that song without complete embarrassment?

  79. Haha
    This post is so funny, and I know this because i laugh at uranus and do it and everything

  80. School teachers in the Elementary Grades have their students for 7 hours a day. There should be progress by the end of the year. Measureable progress is wanted. I believe children should be given the opportunity to express themselves without a grammar check. The English class is where you study grammar. Let a child have the freedom to write, and to speak, and they will become writers, and speakers when they grow up. I know. I didn’t say anything for the first years in class.
    So when I taught school, in the Elementary grades, I let the children speak, and talk when we weren’t trying to study together. There is a time and place for everything.

  81. hahahah true that!

  82. Reblogged this on bloggiestbloggers and commented:
    shorten up your post my dude. blogs like this< #bloggiestbloggers #bloggerdown

  83. My sons will laugh at anything I say. I just have to remind them when it is appropriate to laugh. Sometimes “duty” is a funny word and sometimes its not. I feel its more the situation that determines whether or not its appropriate. Teaching your girls not to be funny in the classroom is the right idea. The same words the teacher says can be funny outside class, but when its time to learn they can see past the humor.

  84. This was hilarious! If you get the chance please check out my blog,

  85. Excellent. Consider yourself bookmarked.

  86. Reblogged this on Bold Spicy News and commented:
    I can relate….

  87. Julia Manuel permalink

    Thankfully my daughter’s too young to even know the word sack let alone it’s alternative meaning (she’s five)…and I get sack lunch much easier to say than BPB – helloooo! It acts like a sack after all. She does laugh at the word penis which is pretty funny when you’re five. It was for me up until I’m sure my adolescence as was vagina. We call vaginas “hoo-hoos” cause it’s way funnier and cuter. Why not. She’s five. Even though I’m 42 and laugh at it. I guess I’m immature. Loved your post, you’re hilarious and you’re writing is flawless. Split infinitives be damned. Giv’er ; )

  88. I love this post!! Had me seriously laughing out loud ❤ It's the same in my home, everything turns everyone into comedians hehe

  89. mustaphabarki2014 permalink

    Reblogged this on Engineer Marine Skipper.

  90. Anne Bonney permalink

    Don’t forget “duty” – it has some other homophonic meaning.

  91. Kids are going to hear it everywhere anyway. I think as a parent all you can do is teach them right from wrong and hopefully they won’t follow the sheep 🙂

  92. Chels744 permalink

    Picking up slang words and laughing at their use is just a part of growing up. Your daughters probably will get tired of that humor as they get older and become exposed to more sophisticated humor. It is better to not shelter them from all the swearing and Uranus jokes in the world. Otherwise, you will set them up for ostracism if they are not aware of the hidden language of teenagers (not that you should encourage them to be “rebels” or anything).

  93. words have many meanings, aka, love, hate, and commitment.

  94. Jukkunsho permalink

    Reblogged this on Jukkunsho.

  95. Read this on the bus on my way to work and trying to hold back my laughter, can i just have a virtual laugh, haha! Suddenly thought of a scenario where my kids are old enough to laugh at the things i say which ofcourse i would think isnt funny. i also dont swear in front of my kids cos i think im gonna faint if i hear them say it – from someone who started swearing in 4th yr high school 😄

  96. In fact I feel its not limited to kids. 10 years has become a generation i think. I talk to people 5- 10 younger to you (or even older for that matter), and I cant catch their lingo… the acronyms and short cuts they use.. OMG.. 🙂

  97. Liked the post and reblogged it on

  98. shawnworth permalink

    You cant say “balls” within a four mile radius of our house. Giggling and falling out of chairs for hours.

  99. This was great!

  100. Very amusing! Now my kids are grown up we don’t have these issues any more! “Bloody” used to be the word that made them laugh, and of course it would come up in history in “the bloody tower”, you’d have a “bloody finger” if you cut it – but they always heard it as a swear word and sniggered! Uranus has been an issue for teachers for yours – the accepted wisdom in the UK has changed the pronunciation to “Your-an-us” (say that phonetically!). As someone else has comment here, the differences between US English and British English words in terms of meanings and pronunciation has been the source of amusement and sometimes embarrassment during our frequent trips to the US. I recall my 4 year old daughter asking at the top of her voice in a US store if she could “buy a rubber” – a rubber of course over here refers to an eraser! We’ve had a good few instances of having chips with our meals because we asked for them – but that’s because chips over here are fries! And crisps are chips! There is one word that has us all in stitches and that is the American pronunciation of capillaries – in British English it is cap-ill-aries – again say it phonetically, whereas in the US we are treated to cap-ill-air-ees – I think that makes the point phonetically! Good luck with your word avoidance, I am sure it will all pass with time!

  101. Asariels Muse permalink

    My kids still have words they find laughable; guess I can blame the schools but then… wait… I home educated my kids… hmmm? oh, well… never mind. I over use all the words that make my kids laugh. I hope to desensitize their giggle boxes by over-exposure.

  102. mohamedalsawaf permalink

    Reblogged this on mohamedalsawaf's Blog.

  103. It’s mad how times change. X

  104. This was such a funny post!! Children really do say the darnedest things! I am a new mother (he’s 1 month!) and this post almost makes me excited to see the funny things I’ll end up having to skew from the vocabulary once he’s old enough to be immature haha!

  105. aanesii permalink

    Wonderful. Favourited. Reblogged

  106. aanesii permalink

    Reblogged this on aanesii.

  107. Love this…I laughed through the whole post. I don’t have kids but I’m pretty sure your daughters would laugh at the words “Your Highness” 🙂

  108. Haha. I’m so glad I read this. Made my day!

  109. Midhuna permalink

    Generation gap, maybe.

  110. Funny…and yet so true.

  111. This is awesome and very usefull. And why do you don’t check my blog out?

    ╔╗╔╦╗╦ ╦ ╦═╗
    ╚╗║║║║ ║ ╠╣
    ╚╝╝╝╝╩ ╩╝╩═╝

  112. Reblogged this on habbeeshh.

  113. Don’t we already blame someone or the other for something these days?
    I can see how “do it” is funny though. It’s quite naughty, but then I’m 24 and my head’s filled with nasty stuff 😀

    Kids in Africa are taught not to be disrespectful to elders, and laughing is kinda disrespectful 🙂 But your girls sound like they’re so much fun to be around.

  114. finicfinic permalink

    Reblogged this on SUPER ORGASM (Squirting).

  115. I assure you that my boys would find “sack lunches” funny as well.

  116. chordgitarlengkap permalink

    I like this

  117. This was hilarious!

  118. Lucy permalink

    Why does it matter if they laugh? The more you focus on what words they shouldn’t say or why it’s not appropriate to laugh at them, the more they will think about those words and be more likely to say them. If you are trying to censor your kids in their own home then where are they suppose to express themselves? If they think a word is funny then let them laugh, don’t change the word you use. If you say the word and don’t laugh then your kids will soon realise that those words just aren’t that funny. Let them laugh, don’t make them feel bad about something that makes them happy. Not having an accepting attitude towards your kids will have a far more damanging effect than them laughing at silly words.

  119. Haha I don’t let my students curse in class. So, don’t blame the teachers, maybe blame their friends :). The other day we were going over medical/illness vocabulary in one of my French II classes and they laughed at the verb “to open” and “the mouth” (“The patient opens his mouth and the doctor examines his throat”) and “deeply” (The doctor examines the patient with a stethoscope. He/She says,”breathe deeply”) . They giggle at any French word that might sound like a naughty English word. Great post!


  121. Reblogged this on Sucessstories.

  122. This was a delightfully funny post on a topic that is simply so routine that we just tend to forget the humor in it. Great stuff.

  123. lovexxxmusic permalink

    Reblogged this on lovexxxmusic.

  124. They are developing a wicked sense of humour, better than a non existent one!

  125. Double entendre is a wonderful thing. Your daughters sound great.

  126. Reblogged this on damieanne.

  127. Very funny!!! Kids really help us stay humble! Lots of the time I was laughing right along with them. To this day there are certain words and phrases that will make me giggle uncontrollably and my (now adult) kids use them just to see me laugh!

  128. lucidleolady permalink

    Great article. Very funny, but true. Kids these days are way too exposed and the worst part is, its only going to get worst. I honestly fear for my daughter.

  129. I suppose “feeling your oats” would be a real snicker these days.

  130. This is awesome and very funny. And why do you don’t check my blog out?

  131. O.O it’s amazing how time changes and wait for no man, but as humans we always make room for acceptance and joy… ^^ The thought, as well as reading your blog, makes me smile. Thank you.

  132. OK, showing my ignorance here. Why is saying “duty” funny? I spent 27 years in uniform so maybe duty means something diffrent to me than it does mainstream public. Just curious.

  133. carlafrancis718 permalink

    f*** you

  134. I enjoyed your post…. Hope you don’t have teachers and principals reading this one 😛

  135. My 7 year old Little Einstein giggles at the word “action.” She blushes and giggles.

  136. Reblogged this on iamrandomsam and commented:
    Ha ha very good article. Little Einstein and “action.”

  137. Love your daughters!! Having that type of a perception in life will have them enjoying life more in their adulthood! They remind me of my husband… He got me used to the “duty” word that I almost laughed out loud in a seminar I had to attend for work once… lol good times lol…

  138. Reblogged this on awesomemetilda and commented:
    Such a nice blog to read.

  139. Really loved itz!!

  140. I still remember we used to call party favours, “loot bags”. They call it “goody bags” these days and laugh at me if I refer to them as loot bags.

  141. Reblogged this on cashrow07 and commented:
    Why I shouldn’t use some words to my kid

  142. RitaRepulsa permalink

    “Chicken breast” never seems to fail at giving the kids a good laugh.

  143. Great post. Well written, you made me laugh 🙂

  144. I cannot say the word “moist” and the phrase “come here” in front of my students. They make me feel uncomfortable!

  145. Reblogged this on kelriyamy.

  146. Why not blame the school system. Kids spend more time there than they do at home, so naturally they pick up more than just the day’s lessons. Unfortunately, there really isn’t much we can do about it. All we can do is be a good influence to them at home because what kid actually listens when they are told not to do something. They usually just see it as a challenge to do it some more.

  147. I asked my 20 something daughter why sack lunch was funny. She said she isn’t going to tell me. That’s okay. I enjoy using old words in front of her.phrases like UHF TV, dial the telephone, stereo, etc.

  148. Reblogged this on thegagatan.

  149. Reblogged this on KeybytheSea and commented:
    “Huh huh, huh huh huh……..he said Duty…..huh huh huh…. “. I grew up in the 90’s so I get that.

  150. Earlier today I stated in front of a 6 year old that I could not stand the lady on TV and that she was pissing me off and needed to just shut her mouth about the subject. Although the conversation was not directed at him, he began yelling at the TV and told the lady to shut her mouth. Although it seemed funny at first I realized how serious the boy was and felt slightly concerned. It is crazy how quickly kids pick up on things. It makes you realize how much you need to sensor yourself.

  151. love it 🙂

  152. Reblogged this on shamlakhan.

  153. Haha no blame the schools. You’re wife can’t cancel school!

  154. Universo libre permalink

    Reblogged this on Universo libre and commented:
    Better think before speak

  155. Just recently, I was told by a friend never to use the word ‘rubber’ for an eraser in Canada, US etc. I thanked my lucky stars she told me before I embarrassed myself beyond recovery. So that is one word, a new-immigrant mother will refrain from saying in front of her 5-year old. I don’t want him scarred for life. *gulp*

  156. That a great post..
    Reblogged this on gelashijau65.

  157. hahahaha thanks for this article. I enjoyed reading!

  158. Too funny!!! My dad used to call a paper bag a poke. He used to go to the grocery store not to shop, but to do the “trading or swapping.” It was “druther” instead of rather and it was “a piece” for far. So words have different meanings for different generations!!! Take the word “gay” – enough said!

  159. I’d laugh right along with my kids…

  160. From the time a child learns to talk until they’re at least 21, I never talk to them, I just grunt. You know, you want the dishes done, uhnm…(then sort of nod in that direction). If they don’t get right to it, grunt a little louder, nod twice. I’m serious, it works. They learn, you save your voice, and hopefully your sanity. By the time they’re 18, you’ve invented a whole new language that everyone who knows you understands, and since no nationalities are favored by this system, you’re one step closer to world peace. So what were we talking about again? Oh yeah…uhnm…

  161. Haven’t got any kids yet… but loved the read! Great post! And this change is pan-lingual, i can say about Hindi and Bengali at least!

  162. Your post had me laughing aloud, & brought back memories of some of the odd word experiences I’ve had since my childhood (I’m 57 now).

    When I was a young child, my Mum & my Grandma (Mum’s Mum) used to speak Yiddish when they didn’t want us kids to know what they were talking about. I think perhaps some of the odd words I learned have their origin there.

    I didn’t learn “vagina” until quite late. It was always called an “ushki” or the Yiddish “tuchus”.

    Going to the toilet to do number 2s was called “making planes”!

    When my daughter was young, 4/5 I discouraged swear words & hated hearing her say “bum” & insisted on using “bottom” instead. I was successful until her first best (school) friend laughed at her.

    Now she’s 29 & tells me that she & her friends “spam” each other on social media. She uses it as a consensual trading of pictures of themselves & their latest interests. She doesn’t seem to understand that the majority of people see “spam” as being something unwanted & usually deleted or reported.

    Those are just a few of the oddities I recalled while reading your very amusing blog, thanks for the memories, LOL

  163. I loved this. Thanks for making me smile 🙂

  164. Andrew Rowley permalink

    Lmao mine is only two and a half. The only thing she has even attempted to repeat was the word “fuck” but all it took was one hard cold dad stare to extinguish that flame lol.

  165. Trust me, it’s not the schools. It’s the internet, cable, social media, and the fact that kids have such easy access to so much more information than they used to at so much of an earlier age because of all the technology they have. My youngest who is a boy is the one who instantly finds the “other” meaning to everything. I can’t even say “thing” without him chuckling and pointing out that I just said it.

  166. Ha-larious! While I have no kids, I am a daughter. A 50 year-old daughter. There are things my eighty year old father should never say in front of me. Among them, when diagnosing what might be wrong with my care, “you might have blown a seal”. However, the best, when explaining how airplanes fly, “it’s all about lift and thrust”. “Lift” and “thrust” should never be used in the same sentence by my father, ever.

  167. imgracen permalink

    This is funny. And had more laugh in ‘Achilles booty’. I just know it’s a treasure. Excuse my not being a native english speaker😌.

  168. Awesome chuckle content this. Just what I needed.
    Thank you 🙂

  169. I am literally LOL. Bravo!

  170. Reblogged this on ASavageRed's Blog and commented:
    As a Mother of a daughter…I find this interesting. But as one of two daughters raised by a Single Father…I find this Outright Hilarious!!! As I read thus article…I laughed, smirked, and giggled til I was in tears and having a laugh attack. I really enjoyed this and I’m sure you will too. Enjoy. I know I did!

  171. Omg…as one if two daughters raised by a single father, It did my soul some good to read this. And P.s. Dads are always the funny ones. My mom is Not Funny at all!

  172. Damn. You’re funny!

  173. What a funny post! Thanks for making me laugh.

  174. Reblogged this on Mixic.

  175. Ugh, I had to learn about a new one today when reading this blog post:

    It made perfect sense to me. Someone who is “sofa king tired” is obviously so exhausted that he is sacking out on the couch all day. My wife had to disabuse me of this silly notion. ::face palm::

  176. You are absolutely right, I could not agree more 🙂

  177. Well, I’ll tell you this – I’m 30, and 20 years ago, pretty much everything you listed would’ve been an instant gigglefest for my friends and I (mixed-gender group, too!) I’m not sure when those things became funny, but definitely before my time! Humor is an odd thing in general.

  178. This was so cute! Kids are funny, they will always keep you on your toes!

  179. This is so good! 😀

  180. It’s not fair to blame the schools. Get divorced, then you can blame your ex. Everyone can get behind that. My four year old daughter says ‘Goddammit!’, even though when I swear, I say ‘Fer f*xxakes!’. I blame her mother, who swears like a sailor. Of course, her mom is an ex-teacher, so there’s that.

  181. literaturegradstudent permalink

    Took me a minute to get it but “sack lunch” is pretty funny actually. “Hey honey why eat out when I got a sack lunch for ya right here” I am going to rolling in chicks with a smooth funny one-liner like that

  182. Love it….and yes, there are just too many words (even tea bag) that have taken on a different and equally twisted meaning for things we just honestly didn’t talk about 30 years ago! But thank you for bringing some humor to something I often grit my teeth at while my teenagers look at me like I don’t get it.

  183. Reblogged this on kimiklink6820's Blog and commented:
    A great way to deal with the twisted definitions of what we thought were just regular words!

  184. Reblogged this on shockysblog.

  185. Seems like a lot to go through just to deprive your daughters from a laugh! Why not let them?

  186. Reblogged this on Musings Of A Teenage Cleanbag and commented:
    “Blame the schools.”

  187. Oh man I’m pissing myself. Laughing. The #2 thing has only been around a few years. Order that #2 and who cares

  188. I don’t have any kids but I do have a very immature brother (35 years old). Words that must be avoided in his presence: unit, meat, pork, balls (difficult during Christmas)…

  189. Boy, that’s letting the cat out of the “sack!” I’m glad you can find humor in it. When twelve my oldest daughter decided she didn’t want a birthday party and just wanted to spend a day at a local mall with one friend. What a boon! We thought giving them each $100 was a big savings over what a party would have cost. But then my 12 year old came home with a frilly laced thong with spangles, like professionals wear, at a cost of $70. I took the thong back to Frederick’s of Hollywood with a pair of scissors and cut it up in front of the manager. I told him that I hoped my $70 donation would help teach him not to sell sexual aids to children. But it won’t. It never will. Schools are not to blame more so than anyone else. Sex is part of society and trying to hide it only makes it worse I think. I was overprotective of my daughters probably and paid the price. When that same daughter was sixteen I found a case of 1,000 condoms hidden in our laundry room. When I asked my wife about it she said that she had brought them home from work. She’s a nurse that worked in a clinic. When I asked why she told me so our daughter would not come home pregnant or diseased. Apparently there had been more than a few conversations that I was not invited to. I suspect it is simply because I would most certainly have sent my daughter to a nunnery immediately. The entire thing scarred me worse than any other single thing in my life. Why is that so important for dad’s? My advice is to use those words as much as you can and laugh along with them. At least they might come to you for advice when it is really needed…… That science teacher was smart, btw…. Today they’d be just as likely to take your friend to a hotel for a bj….

  190. This is so funny because it is absolutely true. I teach third grade and was reading a magic treehouse book to the kids entitled ‘Pirates Past Noon’. As soon as I got to the part about the pirate booty, the entire class fell apart in an eruption of laughing. It continued to be an ongoing joke for the rest of the day…oh these kids now-a-days.

  191. This is a cute story. And I can relate, my daughter laughs at everything to.

  192. This is really funny and informative post.Thank you. All the best! 🙂

  193. mumziemadness permalink

    Good lord, it’s like we live at the same house. Glad to hear that we all have children with the same ‘sense’ of humor. But since we turned out OK, and I use that word loosely, there is hope for them. Great blog.

  194. Thank you for sharing this, I had a few laughs with this one seeing myself with my two kids and watching what I even say.

  195. sadly this is too true… It reminds me of a country song… Back when… “Back when a screw was a screw and the wind was all that blew”

  196. Reblogged this on emmyrose101.

  197. Enjoyed this post. The perfect way to end my day–with laughter. Thank you!

  198. Reblogged this on sunshine22135 and commented:
    Funny and good read!

  199. Absolutely love your writing! Looking forward to binge-reading the rest of your blog. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, and congrats to the Freshly Pressed Gods for finding you!

  200. ihaditallplanned permalink

    To be perfectly honest, I sometimes retort “That’s what she said” to anything and everything but when my five year old started to do it, I had to stop. It’s not a laughing matter for things like that to pop up. Ha! That’s what she said!

  201. Talk about misunderstanding. I work in a library. I have to explain to students how to dial long distance on a landline. The don’t understand that you have to dial 1 before the long distance number.

  202. We have a server at work called Uranus – its provided years of hilarity… “there is something wrong with Uranus” …

  203. It’s funny how your daughters laugh at everything despite having such a funny father. You’d think they would be used to humor. I think I could learn from you as my daughter is still a baby, and I’ll be sure to blame the schools when swearing enters the realms of her vocabulary, or when she giggles at the term “sack lunch”.

  204. I do not understand… Sack and suck is not the same word at all. And not even all girls think that sucking is funny!

  205. Hahaha. Made me laugh the whole time.

  206. That’s hilarious. Kids. The things they make us change.

  207. Very Interesting, i have a post on words to say to your teenage daughter about why she should think twice before you know..

  208. Reblogged this on Beautiful Remedies and commented:
    So funny!!!

  209. I love the way you say “blame it on the schools. They can’t be cancelled!”

  210. Say it with a ns at the end of Uranus.They shouldn’t laugh.It is a planet.

  211. Reblogged this on idontcareitsme and commented:
    Love it!Its soo funny for me!

  212. Very funny post. BTW, does anyone think that the common usage of douchebag is offensive? It’s even used on network TV.

  213. I laughed so hard I had to stop to wipe the tears away! Thanks!

  214. Thanks for the laughs. This was wonderful.

  215. Reblogged this on sambix.

  216. Urban Dictionary will scar you for life…. I have teacher friends and whenever I hear a new ‘slang’ term I don’t know, they direct me. Bad idea. Now there are a tone of words I can’t even say to MYSELF much less to my kids… >.<

  217. Reblogged this on giapicchi.

  218. Reblogged this on The Web, the World and other stuff from Frank Neary. and commented:
    Of course, there are words I choose to use which are totally innocuous in everyday speech but when you draw attention to them sound a bit mucky. “Finger” for instance, or “moist”.

    I might make a list…

  219. Very much enjoyed this, and laughed too, and I rarely laugh, even when I think something is funny. I was always just as careful about what I said in front of my four kids.

  220. Reblogged this on gypsyjade09.

  221. Reblogged this on Beyond Your Thinking and commented:
    See this one!

    • I didn’t read all the previous posts, but when I was that age, we carried lunch buckets and thermos jugs. Both were reusable. The lunch buckets reflective a kid’s personality or a personal hero, usually a cartoon character or a cowboy, It’s on my blog

  222. This post is hilarious! I love it. I used to work at a daycare (of course I had to watch my language), and this one girl said fire-truck, except she couldn’t pronounce the truck part.. so it came out fire-fu–(rhymes with truck!) every time. We tried hard not to laugh, but couldn’t help it. Every time she said it we would correct her and say fire-TRuck but she couldn’t say the TR part.

  223. So…your solution is to instead censor yourself rather than correct behavior or address the issue? Amazing father of the year here…wow…

  224. My daughter calls me Motherfather. She’s a pistol, she is.

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