Charlie Sheen’s New Game Show, Winning

While negotiating for a new sit-com, Charlie Sheen decides that he needs another gig, one that won’t get him booed off stages across the country, so he takes on a new game show, and it’s called “Winning, with Charlie Sheen.” 

A troll contestant, almost always one of Sheen’s hangers-on, competes with Charlie Sheen, answering a bunch of trivia questions, and the winner gets a date with a porn star of the winner’s choice.  Since Charlie Sheen wants to win every game, it soon becomes apparent that the producers are feeding Sheen the questions (or answers) ahead of time.  When this becomes too obvious, ratings plummet, and a quick fix has to be made. 

The host intentionally gives Charlie Sheen the wrong questions (or answers) before the taping, and then begins the show.  After a few minutes, it’s obvious that “Winning” actually has a competition going on.  The problem is that the troll contestant is just as smart as Sheen, so neither of them are getting the answers right. 

“What’s the distance between the earth and the moon?” the host asks. 

“Too far to drive,” Sheen answers, wiping his hair back in exasperation. 

“A few thousand miles, at least,” the troll says, getting desperate because he really, really wants a date with a porn star. 

“What’s the capital of Washington?” 

 “W,” says the contestant.

 “It’s a trick question,” Sheen proudly answers.  “Washington is a district, not a state, and doesn’t have a capitol.” 

 “If you multiply 15 times 3,000, what do you have?” 

 Both contestants try to figure the math in their heads, but both come up with the wrong answer. 

Time is almost up, and one of the contestants needs to get an answer right in order for the show to end.  So the host attempts to frame the question in a context that Charlie Sheen can understand. 

“If you have 15 porn stars,” he says slowly, reframing the previous math question, “and you have the cash to pay each one $3,000 to spend the night with you,” he continues with the math problem, “what do you have?”

Charlie Sheen’s eyes light up.  “A really great deal!”