Great Literary Scams of the Past: The Nothing Book
As far as literary scams go, The Nothing Book is benign. Everybody who bought copies of The Nothing Book knew what they were getting. They weren’t suckered into buying a MUST READ BEFORE YOU DIE!!! book. They didn’t buy it believing they were going to make life-saving changes. Some people even believed in the concept, a book full of blank pages that you could fill in. Some might have called it a glorified journal, but it was even better than a journal. It was The Nothing Book!
Back in the 1970s, The Nothing Book was a popular scam book. It was like a nice hardbound journal but without lines and margins. I don’t know anybody who ever filled out a Nothing Book. I’m left-handed, so I’d smudge the pages and give up. The Nothing Book was stupid, but I admit that it was a great publishing scam. I guess copies of The Nothing Book are still floating around. When I found a copy of The Nothing Book on Amazon and saw the average review score was 3.7 out of 5, I thought, how can anybody complain about The Nothing Book? It tells you exactly what it is. The negative reviews were more about torn pages in used copies than being disappointed in empty content.
I liked The Nothing Book when I was in 7th grade. I had just finished reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien and was in a fantasy craze, even reading stuff like The Sword of Shannarra by Terry Brooks and getting into my first sword & sorcery outside of Conan comic books. I filled up the first half of The Nothing Book with fantasy poems and short stories, accompanied with my own drawings of elves, faeries, dwarves, and trolls. I’m sure it was dreck, but it was 7th grade dreck, and it was fun, despite being left-handed and having to deal with the center spine when writing/drawing on the right-side page.
Anyway, one night my parents had guests over while I was seeing a movie and showed everybody what I’d done in The Nothing Book. When I got home, I got a lot of compliments for it, but it felt weird, and I never really built up momentum on it again. I still kept drawing but not in The Nothing Book. I realized that I don’t like people knowing what I’m doing creatively until I’ve done it. I think that’s worked against me a few times over the decades, or maybe it’s worked to my advantage and I just don’t know it. Or maybe it just is.
I’m not sure if anybody has truly completed filling out their copies of The Nothing Book. If you claim to have filled out an entire copy of The Nothing Book just to be one of those people who likes to prove me wrong, I won’t believe you. I’ll demand proof. And we’ll have to agree ahead of time what successfully completing The Nothing Book actually means. A book of one-word so-called “poems” doesn’t count. Making a flip book movie out of stick figures doesn’t count either. If you complete your copy of The Nothing Book out of spite after you’ve read this blog post, there’s something wrong with you. I’m fine.
The 1970s had other scams. The most notable was the Pet Rock. Some brilliant scammer took rocks, put a leash on them, and sold them for $5(?) each. Looking back, youngsters would think that only idiots would buy a Pet Rock in a store. I’d counter with a bunch of stoopid fads today that everybody else looks upon with contempt. Anyway, stoopid people who bought Pet Rocks knew that it was stoopid.
My favorite scam was the Turd Burd. These are allegedly petrified bits of bird excrement decorated with bird beaks and fake eyes, etc… I like the turd bird because the name rhymes and each one is a little different. Plus, sometimes they have hats and are identified by state. If you like a particular state, you can buy its turd bird at a local rural gift shop. If you don’t like a state, you can buy its turd bird at a local rural gift shop.
Stuff like nothing books, pet rocks, and turd birds are scams, but they’re benign. The buyer is in on the joke/scam. Something like The Nothing Book might even be useful. These aren’t scams that leave innocent people broke, unless they got carried away and bought a sh**load of turd birds. It’s not getting government money for fake charities and paying off yourself, your friends, and your favorite politicians. I don’t want anybody arrested for selling turd birds or pet rocks.
I’d like to come up with a good harmless scam sometime, one that can make me a little money and provide harmless fun to a bunch of people. If I think of anything, though, I probably won’t tell you until after I’ve done it.
*****
For more about books and literary scams, see…
Is The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald A Literary Scam?
Indie Author Self-Promotion Strategy: Lying
Indie Author Self-Promotion Strategy: Party!
Dysfunctional Literacy 