The Last Anthony Weiner Joke (and it’s about time!)

A bunch of men were sitting around at a bar, and they began talking about injuries they had sustained to their groin area.  Men talked about being punched, kicked, and even bitten in the crotch, and during each story, men would cringe and groan in empathy. 

Just when the men thought that the anecdotes could get no more gruesome, a man stood up and said, “A few days ago, I was at a spa taking an eel bath for my skin, when an eel crawled into my… you know.” 

The men cringed and groaned in empathy, so much so that they forgot to ask him why he was at a spa. 

The man continued.  “I tried to pluck the eel out before he got completely inside, but he was a slippery devil, and he squirmed out of my fingers and slithered all the way up my… you know… and all the way up into my bladder.  The doctors performed surgery and got him out of my bladder, but at that moment when he dug into my… you know…, let me tell you, that hurt a lot.” 

The men cringed and groaned and thought that surely no one could top that story. 

“That’s nothing,” another man said.  “I got into an argument with my wife a few months ago, and while I was sleeping, she drugged me up and then she cut off my… you know… with a knife.” 

The men cringed and groaned in empathy. 

“When I woke up, I was tied to the bed, and she dangled my… you know… in front of me, and then she stuffed it into the garbage disposal.  I was still drugged up at the time, but when those drugs wore off, let me tell you, that hurt a lot.” 

The men cringed and groaned and thought that surely no one could top that story. 

“That’s nothing,” another man said dramatically.  ‘I was once a prominent Democratic politician in New York, and I made the mistake of Twittering a picture of my… you know… to some friends, and I accidentally sent it out publically.  I had to resign my congressional seat because of that.” 

Nobody cringed, and nobody groaned in empathy. 

One man spoke up.  “How can you compare that to the intensely painful injuries that the other men here have endured?” 

“Because last night my former congressional district had a special election for my seat,” the Democratic politician said.  “And when I found out that a Republican won my congressional office, let me tell you, that hurt a lot.”