Proof that Disney and Nick Television Shows May Harm Children
A family returned home from a hard day of work/school, and the two daughters immediately ran for the television.
“We want to watch Ant Farm! We want to watch Jessie!” the daughters chimed.
The parents cringed at the prospect of snotty Disney Channel kids, overproduced Disney Channel bubblegum music, and impossibly annoying laugh tracks.
“Before you watch your Disney Channel,” the father announced, “we’re going to watch an hour of Fox News!”
The daughters cried, wailed, and pounded their heads against the wall as a bunch of talking heads on the Fox News Channel argued with each other over trivial disagreements.
The mother shook her head and said to her husband, “You don’t even like Fox News.”
“True,” the father said. “But I want these kids to understand what I’m going through while they’re watching Disney.”
We know they’re annoying. We know they can send a normally rational adult into a beserker rage. We know they can make a calm parent boil over into temporary insanity. I’m not talking about kids. I’m talking about the annoying teen shows they watch (like Ant Farm, Jessie, and iCarly).
Both Disney and Nick (Nickelodeon) seem to have a knack for hiring annoying… okay, I don’t even want to start whining about this. Other critics can do that. I’m here to show you documented (almost) scientific proof that these shows damage children’s brainpower.
THE FIRST DYSFUNCTIONAL LITERACY SCIENTIFIC STUDY
Before you start citing this study in your college dissertations or including this as a source in your books about childhood development, understand that I am not a trained scientist, and even I recognize there are flaws in this study. I only used one child. I didn’t run enough tests. I didn’t account for influences of gender, race, or socio-economic status. Besides that, I think I’m on the right track.
THE THEORY OR HYPOTHESIS (I always get the two confused):
Disney and Nick annoying teen shows (non-cartoons) make children who watch these shows stupid.
THE GUINEA PIG
One female child- a 3rd grader who shall remain nameless (don’t tell her that I used her as a guinea pig).
Over a 6-week period, the 3rd grader takes a spelling test on Friday. Each Thursday night that 3rd grader takes a practice test and must score 100 before she can watch television.
After watching one 30 minute show, the 3rd grader will retake the practice test. 3 retakes will be done after a cartoon (Spongebob, Phineas and Ferb, Fishhooks) and 3 retakes will be done after annoying teen shows (iCarly, Ant Farm, Jessie).
Prediction: 3rd grader will do much worse after annoying teen shows than after cartoons.
The 3rd grade student scored 100, 100, and 95 after cartoons. The 3rd grader scored 85 (after iCarly), 90 (after Ant Farm), and 100 (stunningly after Jessie, but that might be an outlier because she cried before doing the Jessie retake, which was fine because earlier I cried because I had to watch Jessie before the retake).
Maybe crying before a retest helps a 3rd grader to concentrate.
ANALYSIS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL LITERACY RESULTS
Some pointy-headed types might want to perform further tests to verify the conclusion, but this is enough evidence for me.
These Disney Channel/Nick shows make kids stupid. Disney Channel and/or Nick might try to spin this and say that the 3rd grader still performed at a 91% average which wasn’t much lower than her 98% average after cartoons.
However, the 3rd grader made five spelling errors after annoying teen shows as opposed to only one error after cartoons, so that means she was 500% stupider after watching the annoying teen shows.
Parents, go ahead and try this. It’s a simple study, costs nothing, and the results… (wait for it)… might surprise you!
UPCOMING SCIENTIFIC STUDIES FROM DYSFUNCTIONAL LITERACY
Next month I’m going to publish my study on the relationship between Disney/Nick annoying teen shows and the frequency/intensity of headaches (and other possible ailments) in adults.